Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

Citizensmith wrote in post #9144706
Sorry, that was me missing the joke then.

I am a working bench jeweler, this time of year is very hectic, and it's very easy to lose all Christmas spirit with the demands of the season. Wishing people a proper Puritan Christmas is one way I have of relieving the stress. As I previously said it sounds better than bah humbug, but only because most people don't get it.

So may all the Christmas Season Bell Ringers, Telephone solicitors and all of the money grubbing flim flam artists out there, May you all have a very merry properly puritan Christmas.

Wayne

I think a great way to really celebrate a truly Puritan Christmas is to cease buying jewelry as gifts

The Puritans did not celebrate Christmas in any way, it was just another day to go to work. This is reflected in Ebenezer Scrooge's unwillingness to close his accounting office on Christmas Day. This was not an uncommon tradition in Protestant Victorian England.

Christmas is a religious holiday is derived from the Pagan Roman holidays dedicated to the various gods which occurred around the Winter solstice. As well as the Jewish Hanukkah. The yule traditions come from the Celtic winter holiday celebrations. With all of the partying, drinking and other secular festivities one could easily argue that Christmas is no longer a religious holiday.

As for buying jewelry is a gift I am in favor of it year round, and if you ever find yourself in the doghouse I'm sure your local jeweler could suggest a gift that would get you in the house. While flowers may say I'm sorry, a significant sized diamond says I really screwed up and love you tremendously.

Wayne

WMS wrote in post #9144983
I am a working bench jeweler, this time of year is very hectic, and it's very easy to lose all Christmas spirit with the demands of the season. Wishing people a proper Puritan Christmas is one way I have of relieving the stress. As I previously said it sounds better than bah humbug, but only because most people don't get it.

So may all the Christmas Season Bell Ringers, Telephone solicitors and all of the money grubbing flim flam artists out there, May you all have a very merry properly puritan Christmas.

Wayne

You need to post a large sign behind your bench, visible to all that demand instant service:

"Your inability to plan ahead does not constitute an emergency on my part."

20droger wrote in post #9145154
"Your inability to plan ahead does not constitute an emergency on my part."

I could use that too.
Just copying....past...ing.​..and looking for a signmaker. Thankyou Roger!

20droger wrote in post #9145154
You need to post a large sign behind your bench, visible to all that demand instant service:

"Your inability to plan ahead does not constitute an emergency on my part."

Oh but it does, and I even have an entire section in my Emergency preparedness manual regarding it, It states the price modifications as a function of just how much of an emergency you little lack of planning has caused. Drop everything and do my job right now pricing is available, for those who want it badly enough. (I do LOVE geometric progressions, especially when they are a the function of price I am charging)

Please feel free to bring in the new ring you are buying your wife for Christmas in to be sized on Christmas Eve, I will be at my bench until at least 3PM later if there is a need. I will even open up on Christmas day for a proper emergency fee.......

Wayne

WMS wrote in post #9145106
While flowers may say I'm sorry, a significant sized diamond says I really screwed up and love you tremendously.

Wayne

My mother always told me to by good glass so when I screw up I get an L lens

20droger wrote in post #9145154
You need to post a large sign behind your bench, visible to all that demand instant service:

"Your inability to plan ahead does not constitute an emergency on my part."

Then there is the ever popular...

You Can Have It Good, Fast or Cheap...

Pick Two!

WMS wrote in post #9145606
...Drop everything and do my job right now pricing is available, for those who want it badly enough. (I do LOVE geometric progressions, especially when they are a the function of price I am charging)

A buddy has a sign up in his appliance/vacuum/elect​ronic repair shop:

LABOR:

Standard.............$35.00 / hour
If You Watch........$65.00 / hour
If You Help..........$95.00 / hour

He still gets people trying to help!

And on a similar note - with a "If you can't beat em, lead 'em" point of view, my Dad's CPA practice had a sign in front that said "Soliciters Welcome! Professional Rate : $125.00 / hour (2 hr minimum)"

I like the sign behind the cashier which reads, "In God we trust; all others pay cash."

Or the one that says, "Our credit manager is Helen Waite. If you want credit, go to Helen Waite."

20droger wrote in post #9147655
Or the one that says, "Our credit manager is Helen Waite. If you want credit, go to Helen Waite."

That's were we send mrs. Tamara Al Peyah.

LOST
Three-legged dog, blind in one eye,
broken tail. Recently castrated.
Answers to "Lucky."

WMS wrote in post #9145106
...

As for buying jewelry is a gift I am in favor of it year round, and if you ever find yourself in the doghouse I'm sure your local jeweler could suggest a gift that would get you in the house. While flowers may say I'm sorry, a significant sized diamond says I really screwed up and love you tremendously.

Wayne

SO, Have you heard from Tiger Yet???

I'm sure that some Jeweler somewhere will be able to provide a gift which will help smooth things over. However it might not be as public as the tabloid press might want.

Wayne