Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

OdiN1701 wrote in post #9351443
Okay let's get back to posting jokes.

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

Why can't Irishmen ever be attorneys?
They can never make it past the bar!

What's a Wok?
Something you throw at a Wabbit.

Why didn't Cuba have a team in the Olympics?
Because, any Cuban that can run, jump, or swim already lives in America.

WOW! That was fast! So Irish and Cuban are OK.

What about Aussies?

Here's one:

Two Aussies are adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions one of them finds an old lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie suddenly appears. This genie tells them that he only grants one wish.

Without giving much thought to the matter, the lamp finder blurts out, "Turn the entire ocean into VB!"

The genie claps his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turns into beer.

The genie disappears and only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull breaks the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

The second Aussie turns to the first and says, "Nice going mate! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

OK, so far so good. Another one?

Two Aussie cattle drovers standing in an Outback bar and one asked the other, "What are you up to, Mate?"

Ahh, I'll be takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie."

"Oh yeah ... and what route are you takin'?"

"Ah, probably the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."

Q. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

A. Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

sigh.

A man watching a porn video on TV featuring a particularly lusty couple, when he suddenly realizes that his wife has walked in and is standing behind the couch. He quickly flipped the channel to a football game.

"What the hell are you doing?" demanded the wife.

"Um, just watching the game..." he offered.

"Well, for heaven's sake, switch it back," his wife said. "You already know how to play football!"

What did the sea monster order for dinner?

Fish and Ships.

Maybe you guys should take a break until something good comes to you...

Sorry.

OK, now THIS is funny:

HTTP response: 404 | MIME changed to 'text/html' | Byte size: ZERO

Wow, I guess I don't need to see the movie now. Thanks!

charger912 wrote in post #9380652
Wow, I guess I don't need to see the movie now. Thanks!

It's TOTALLY worth seeing in 3D, awesome effects.

Whats the difference between a banker and a catfish?
One is a bottom feeding scum sucker and the other is a fish.

(with apologies to any lawyers who feel that this joke was stolen from them... ya gotta go with the times

charger912 wrote in post #9380652
Wow, I guess I don't need to see the movie now. Thanks!

Um... you look exactly like my dog, Lexi. She is a terrierist. Do you have a beard?

Bodryn wrote in post #9318849
I heard this one somewhere, I don't know where. (Apologies to lanno)

A young man joins a strict monastic order where a monk is allowed to speak only once every ten years. As a new initiate, he keeps his silence at first. But after ten years he feels the need to speak up and so he says"I like oatmeal!"

Ten more years go by and then another monk speaks up and says: "I don't like oatmeal!"

Ten more years go by and a third monk says "Shut up and let's eat!"

lol

no apology necessary!

more chuckles, please...

A young lady girl returns home form college obviously quite pregnet, and her father asks "who did this to you?"

She responds "well I have it kinda down to four; Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Johny Walker or Jose Cuervo, and Jose is the probably front runner... "

Wayne