Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

It's not easy living in Alaska - A girl can go to bed with her boyfriend and wake up the next morning six month's pregnant.

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Ha Ha!

You think YOUR job sucks? I was a Kirby salesman!

A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife.
He says, ‘Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water.’
She replied, ‘but honey I do not have a headache!’
He replied, ‘Thank God!’

Ah yes, the "preemptive" strike approach!

A scruffy piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a scotch. The bartender looks at it with a dour eye and say "You are an object and we only serve people in this establishment".

The thirsty rope goes out of the bar and twist himself into a ball and goes back in. The bartender asks if it wasn't the same rope he'd just thrown out. With a straight face the rope says" Nope. I'm a frayed knot".
'

p.kribensis wrote in post #9400367
A scruffy piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a scotch. The bartender looks at it with a dour eye and say "You are an object and we only serve people in this establishment".

The thirsty rope goes out of the bar and twist himself into a ball and goes back in. The bartender asks if it wasn't the same rope he'd just thrown out. With a straight face the rope says" Nope. I'm a frayed knot".
'

Methinks you'll fit right in here... with the rest of the nutz in the box:p

King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Most of them had it pretty soft.

Today's "What the Duck" (17 Jan 2010) says it all:

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Well, Hello Kitty! — Sounds like what Marshall Dillon said when he walked in on Miss Kitty taking a bath.

Well I guess that is better than "Well Helllo Festus"!!

LBaldwin wrote in post #9411201
Well, Hello Kitty! — Sounds like what Marshall Dillon said when he walked in on Miss Kitty taking a bath.

Well I guess that is better than "Well Helllo Festus"!!

Depends. I hear it got plumb lonely out there on those great open plains.

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very Fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she’ll see him later, and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, “Who was that??!!” “Oh,” replies the husband, “that was my mistress.”

The wife says, “That’s it; I want a divorce.” “I understand,” replies her husband,

“But, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Infinity or Lexus in the garage, and no more Country Club, but the decision is yours.”

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman.

“Who’s that woman with Jim? ” she asks.

“That’s his mistress,” replies her husband. “Ours is prettier,” says the wife...

^^^ nice one!


did ya hear about the homeopath who forgot to take his medication?

he died of a massive overdose.



http://www.1023.org.uk​/the-1023-overdose-event.php

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
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An egg.