Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

What is this?

Clip clop, clip clop, BANG, clip clop, clip clop
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Amish drive-by shooting.

One of the worlds richest men takes his son to Disney World for a two week vacation.

During the first week, the kid says, "I want a Mickey Mouse hat!" So daddy buys him a genuine fedora with Mouseketeer ears.

During the second week, the kid says, "I want a Mickey Mouse watch!" So daddy buys him a customized diamond-encrusted Rolex with the famous face on it.

At the end of the two weeks, it's time to leave. But the kid doesn't want to leave, so, thinking he'll get the whole of Disney, Inc., the kid says, "I want a Mickey Mouse company!"

Alas, daddy buys him General Motors.

The IT Department was doing an audit of computer security so they were on the intranet making sure people were using proper passwords.

They came accross the password being used by the new gal in accounting (who happened to be blonde):
MickeyMinnieGoofyDonal​dPlutoGrumpyAlbany

They approached her and asked why she was using such a long an unusual password?

"Well" she says, "I was told it had to be six characters and at least one Capital!"

FlyingPhotog wrote in post #9445458
The IT Department was doing an audit of computer security so they were on the intranet making sure people were using proper passwords.

They came accross the password being used by the new gal in accounting (who happened to be blonde):
MickeyMinnieGoofyDonal​dPlutoGrumpyAlbany

They approached her and asked why she was using such a long an unusual password?

"Well" she says, "I was told it had to be six characters and at least one Capital!"

Jay, now Jay youv'e gone and told a Clean Joke - shame on you:p
VFBTW!

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than there is on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh, right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put 'Happy Thanksgiving' under the turkey.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.

The woman then instructs him to put a tattoo of a Christmas tree with 'Merry Christmas' up on her left thigh.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.

As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, 'If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?'

She said, 'I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.'

^ On the same note,

A woman, who was a huge boxing fan, went to the tattoo parlor and asked the guy to tattoo her two boxing heros at the top of each thigh right below her bikini line, so the artist duly obliged and tattooed Mohammed Ali on her right thigh and Mike Tyson on her left. The woman was not to happy as she felt that the artist had not captured their likeness too well but was reassured when he told her that after the swelling had gone down they would be fine.

After a few weeks she was still not convinced that they were any good so she went to a friend of hers, who was also a great boxing fan, lifted up her skirt and said "Do you recognize who these people are?" her friend said "I don't know who the one on the left is ........ I don't know who right one on the right is ....... but the one in the middle is definitely Don King"

A blonde was driving home from her meeting of Lemmings for Peace. She had a paper in the right front seat and as she drove, she was so distracted by an article about a diesel-powered pinhole camera that she forgot to watch where she was driving, and she ended up with a couple of fender-benders. Her car was still drivable, so after exchanging information with the police and the other drivers, she decided to drive over to Honest John's Auto Body Experience to see what could be done to fix her car. Honest John, having dealt with her before, decided to tell her to just take the car home, blow hard into the tailpipe, and the dents would pop right out.

She immediately drove her car home and into her driveway, let the tailpipe cool a bit, and then proceeded to blow hard into the tailpipe. Just then, her roommate, another blonde, came along and asked what the first blonde was doing.

"I'm blowing into the tailpipe of the car so the dents will pop out."

"Well, Duh," said the second blonde, "You forgot to roll up the windows!"

Is the substitution of "Problems" for "Evil" a translation (um...) problem?

APPLE I-PAD

Predicted 5 years ago. (Needs sound)

The President was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President Sucks." Infuriated, he called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.
"The bad news is that the urine is from the Vice President."
"Al? How could you do this to me? What could be worse than this?"
"The handwriting's the first lady's."

A guy is up in a hot air balloon floating lost above a field. He sees someone walking below him so calls down.

""Hey, do you know where I am?".
"Yes" replies the stranger "you're in a hot air balloon above a field".
"Brilliant! You must work in IT support" shouts the balloonist
"How did you know that?"
"Because everything you just said is factually correct but I am still no better off"
"Then you must be a project manager" says the stranger smilling
"Correct, how did you work that out?" shouts the balloonist
"Because you are the one who has no idea what he is doing and now it's my fault!"

Jonathan wrote in post #9516024
A guy is up in a hot air balloon floating lost above a field. He sees someone walking below him so calls down.

""Hey, do you know where I am?".
"Yes" replies the stranger "you're in a hot air balloon above a field".
"Brilliant! You must work in IT support" shouts the balloonist
"How did you know that?"
"Because everything you just said is factually correct but I am still no better off"
"Then you must be a project manager" says the stranger smilling
"Correct, how did you work that out?" shouts the balloonist
"Because you are the one who has no idea what he is doing and now it's my fault!"

My Wife LOVESZ that joke, and yes she is in IT, and has issue with a project mgr.. lol

have already posted this link in another thread but I don't think anyone took any notice- it's not a joke as such, but really, it's well worth a look:

http://faultline.org …php/site/item/i​ncendiary/