Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

lanno wrote in post #9519577
have already posted this link in another thread but I don't think anyone took any notice- it's not a joke as such, but really, it's well worth a look:

http://faultline.org …php/site/item/i​ncendiary/

That is funny, and the comments are even better!

A blonde was in a history class, and was asked to provide the historical significance of Roe vs Wade. After some thought, she said it was a tough decision made by George Washington before crossing the Delaware . . .

lanno wrote in post #9519577
have already posted this link in another thread but I don't think anyone took any notice- it's not a joke as such, but really, it's well worth a look:

http://faultline.org …php/site/item/i​ncendiary/

Following that link was like being RickRolled, only boring.

WorkingClassHero wrote in post #9522590
That is funny, and the comments are even better!

very pleased to hear you liked it!

Teacher: When do lions migrate?
Student: in late summer.
Teacher: How do you come to that conclusion?
Student: The pride always goes before the fall.

Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's table?


Sir Cumference - it was all that pi.

A traveling salesman's car breaks down in the country, so he decides to call on the closest farmhouse.

When the farmer opens the door, the salesman says, "Sir, my car died just up the road. Could I stay here for tonight?"

The farmer says, "Sure, but I have a very handsome son and you'll have to promise not to sleep with him."

"Excuse me," says the salesman, "but I think I'm in the wrong joke."

What's E.T. short for?

So he can fit in his spaceship

have run some searches but can't find this one posted - so apologies if a variant has already made it here:


A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring "Run....Run!" The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"

A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"

The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!"

All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls."

After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"

A lion and a hyena are walking along the savannah, just chatting, when they come upon a pair of humans, adventuring on safari.

One of the humans is busy scribbling notes in his journal, while the other sits under a tree reading a book.

The lion immediately slips around behind the human with the novel, leans in and with one powerful bite breaks the humans neck, and begins to feast as the other human takes off at a dead run.

The hyena comes over and asks the lion, "You didn't even hesitate in coming in to kill this human...why is that?"

The lion answers, "Well, one thing I've learned over the years...writers cramp, but Readers Digest."

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Little Johnny?"

"My goldfish died," replied Little Johnny tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

As Little Johnny patted down the last heap of earth he then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

Remember, half the people in the world are below average.

Harvard medical school graduates about 150 doctors a year. So think on this, the next time you're going in for some critical surgery and your surgeon has that famous diploma proudly displayed on his wall, was he first in his class? Or 150th?

20droger wrote in post #9538820
Harvard medical school graduates about 150 doctors a year. So think on this, the next time you're going in for some critical surgery and your surgeon has that famous diploma proudly displayed on his wall, was he first in his class? Or 150th?

I'd rather my doctor be 150th at Harvard than 1st at Thunderwood.

Edit: Nevermind, they don't have medical degrees at Thunderwood. My cat, however, did recently finish her Masters in acupuncture.