Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

A photography related one:

What did Cinderalla say when she left the photo store?


Someday my prints will come

neilwood32 wrote in post #9547153
A photography related one:

What did Cinderalla say when she left the photo store?


Someday my prints will come

That's funny, I could've sworn Snow White said that...

Aaagogo wrote in post #9544591
A couple are in the throes of a divorce, and are attending court over the custody of their young son.

In order to properly assess the situation, the judge takes the young lad into chambers; "Would you like to live with your mother?" asks the judge. "No" says the lad, "she hits me." "So then would you like to live with your father?" asks the judge.

"No" says the lad again, "he hits me too!" "Well who would you like to live with?" asks the judge. "I'd like to live with Saint Louis Rams" says the lad.

"Saint Louis Rams!" exclaims the judge, hardly believing his ears "Why on earth would you possibly want to live with Saint Louis Rams?" he asks.

"Because they never beat anybody!!!"

As a 49ners fan, I fully agree to the truth of this post! Wait a minute...weren't we in the same position 5 years ago?

neilwood32 wrote in post #9545718
Given the discussions in the LR 6.5fps thread, I would have thought it was the Redskins!

Next year will be

Deep Thoughts

"Never criticize somebody until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you DO criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have the shoes."

(Thanx to Click and Clack, the Tappet Bros.)

The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese from the trap.

remember the early worm gets eaten...

The first mouse doesn't do so well either.

mikerault wrote in post #9550247
remember the early worm gets eaten...

An excellent reason to sleep in late, especially if you are a worm....

Wayne

| - How to take care of your wife - |

In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.


Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES

-- You make the bed (+1)
-- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
-- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
-- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
-- In the rain (+8 )
-- But return with Beer (-5)
-- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
-- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
-- It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

-- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
-- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
-- Named Tina (-4)
-- Tina is a dancer (-10)

HER BIRTHDAY

-- You take her out to dinner (0)
-- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
-- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
-- And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)
-- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

-- You take her to a movie (+2)
-- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
-- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
-- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
-- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
-- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

-- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
-- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

-- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
-- You hesitate in responding (-10)
-- You reply, "Where?" (-35)
-- Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

-- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)
-- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
-- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
-- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Aaagogo wrote in post #9568782
| - How to take care of your wife - |

The only way to win....

Is not to play the game...

Wayne

The Engineer had just returned from a week long seminar. His boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if were sick as he looked absolutely terrible. "Oh my god..." said the Engineer, "At the kick off meeting Monday morning I met the most incredible woman - young, beautiful, strawberry blond with an incredible body and legs up to her neck. As soon as our eyes caught, like that, the fire was lit. Turns out she was an engineer-in- training and she asked me to tutor her. One thing lead to another and we ended up back in her room having the most rapturous sex all night."

"OK," replied the boss, "that may explain your fatigue, but why are your eyes so red?" "Well..." said the Engineer, "turns out she was married and has a baby at home. Before long she started to think about what she had just done. She said that she had never betrayed her vows, but the depth of the attraction led her to risk her marriage, and her family, and began to cry with remorse. It was then I started thinking about my own wife and family and the magnitude of my betrayal, all in trade for the most intense sex ever experienced, and before long, I was sobbing uncontrollably."

"I see." chided the boss, "but that seminar ended Friday. How come you still appear so ragged ?"

"Well..." said the Engineer, "you can't sit there and cry like that 4 or 5 times a day for five days straight and not look like this."

WMS wrote in post #9569585
The only way to win....

Is not to play the game...

Wayne

True words fromW.O.P.R.

Fun movie with a true moral that certainly applies here.

A man got a toothache in the middle of the night and in the morning called his dentist for an emergency appointment. He got in that same afternoon.

"I'm not sure if I can save this tooth," said the dentist, "but let me see what can be done."

He examined the tooth and ordered Xrays. Half an hour later, the patient asked the doctor anxiously: "What about it, doc? Can you save my tooth?"

"Oh, don't you worry about that tooth!" replied the dentist. "Of course I can save it. I'm going to send my kid to college on that tooth!"

(from my wife, who once worked in a dental office)

Skip Souza wrote in post #9570508
True words fromW.O.P.R.

Fun movie with a true moral that certainly applies here.

Got the DVD waiting for me to re-view it.