Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

Here is another one....I laughed for a long time after this one.

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:

"Listen, This guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll Kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too."

A blonde walks onto a plane and sits in First Class. A stewardess notices she's not ticketed to be in First Class and asks her to move to coach. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to the Bahamas" and refuses to move. The stewardess rolls her eyes and has a steward ask her instead. The blonde repeats, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to the Bahamas." Frustrated, the steward and stewardess decide to go to the cockpit to get the captain involved. He visits the blonde in First Class and whispers something in her ear. The blonde then gets up and runs back to coach as fast as she can. Puzzled, the steward and stewardess ask the captain what he could've possibly said to get her to move. The captain replies, "I told her First Class isn't going to the Bahamas..."

3Turner wrote in post #3621202
Here is another one....I laughed for a long time after this one.

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:

"Listen, This guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll Kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too."

We heard this already!

drifter106 wrote in post #3217044
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks
into a house to look for money and finds a young couple in bed. He
orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her
neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there
the husband tells his wife:" Listen, this guys an escaped convict,
look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't
seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.

If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells
you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry he'll kill us.
Be strong honey, I love you."

To which the wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck, he was
whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were
cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in
the bathroom...

Be strong honey. I love you to...

On this topic, now that this thread is up and running again, I wonder how long till IT HAPPENS AGAIN...

Rad

OMG! Someone call the joke police!

Mum2J&M wrote in post #3621356
OMG! Someone call the joke police!

I tried but the phone didn't work so I went to thier office. When I knocked on thier door, they yelled, "Who's There?"

I didn't know how to answer.

Radtech1 wrote in post #3621332
We heard this already!
Rad

My apoligies...didn't want to read all 8+pages

You must have the edited version. My screen say this is page 24.

Mine says it's page 15.

Why do blonde girls have bruised bellybuttons?

Because blonde guys arent too smart either...


ZIIING BADABING WOOOOOWZERS!!!

Eek... that one was BAD! Here's a silly one (as my blonde one went over so well, lol):

A guy started dating a girl named Lorraine. He liked her a lot, but then met another girl he liked more. Her name was Clearly. One day, when he was walking around the lake with Lorraine, she slipped , fell in and drowned. He felt vert badly about losing her, but then thought to himself...

Hey wait a minute -

I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone.

Mum2J&M wrote in post #3625668
Eek... that one was BAD! Here's a silly one (as my blonde one went over so well, lol):

A guy started dating a girl named Lorraine. He liked her a lot, but then met another girl he liked more. Her name was Clearly. One day, when he was walking around the lake with Lorraine, she slipped , fell in and drowned. He felt vert badly about losing her, but then thought to himself...

Hey wait a minute -

I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone.

so stupid but...cant help it....laughing..ahh

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

Scroll Down

You got Male

20droger wrote in post #3625186
You must have the edited version. My screen say this is page 24.

thomascanty wrote in post #3625221
Mine says it's page 15.

I have my settings to 50 posts per page.

Here is another, hopefully this one is not on one of the previous pages either.

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "bycheck. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ringup Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!

Did you know that eagles mate for life? Well one day Harry the eagle waited at the nest for Mary his darling of 10 glorious years. After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot. Dead!
Harry was devastated. After about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate but since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier. So he flew off to find a new mate.
He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest. The sex was OK but all the dove would say is "I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!"
Well, this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.

He found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was great but all the loon would say is, "I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!" So out with the loon.
Once more he flew off to find a mate. This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest. Again the sex was great, but all the duck would say was.....well, you know.....





No, the duck didn't say THAT!!!!! That's an awful thing to think!





The duck said, "I am a DRAKE you made a MISTAKE!