Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

Thalagyrt wrote in post #10701441
Yep, that's exactly the case. I'm not exactly sure how it ended up being that way here though.

Now that I think about it, it makes sense. We abbreviate automobile (sing.) as "auto", and automobiles (plur.) as "autos". The weird thing about mathematics is that there is no "mathematic", as Jon points out below, so the confusion in the abbreviation might stem from that.

Jon wrote in post #10701444
Sure "mathematics" is a plural? Ever encountered a single "mathematic"?

This from Wikipedia:

Etymology

The word "mathematics" comes from the Greek μάθημα (máthēma), which means learning, study, science, and additionally came to have the narrower and more technical meaning "mathematical study", even in Classical times.[9] Its adjective is μαθηματικός (mathēmatikós), related to learning, or studious, which likewise further came to mean mathematical. In particular, μαθηματικὴ τέχνη (mathēmatikḗ tékhnē), Latin: ars mathematica, meant the mathematical art.

The apparent plural form in English, like the French plural form les mathématiques (and the less commonly used singular derivative la mathématique), goes back to the Latin neuter plural mathematica (Cicero), based on the Greek plural τα μαθηματικά (ta mathēmatiká), used by Aristotle, and meaning roughly "all things mathematical"; although it is plausible that English borrowed only the adjective mathematic(al) and formed the noun mathematics anew, after the pattern of physics and metaphysics, which were inherited from the Greek.[10] In English, the noun mathematics takes singular verb forms. It is often shortened to maths or, in English-speaking North America, math.

English is a messed up language.

Jon wrote in post #10701444
Sure "mathematics" is a plural? Ever encountered a single "mathematic"?

"Mathematics," like "news," is both singular and plural, and may take either verb form, depending upon context.

The mathematics involved was/were driving him to drink.

"Was" if it were the mathematics as a whole; "were" if it were the quantity of mathematics. In either case, he needed a drink.

Please remember Gents, regardless of the language you speak, this is the JOKE thread, not the grammar thread

Moppie wrote in post #10706225
Please remember Gents, regardless of the language you speak, this is the JOKE thread, not the grammar thread

There's no full stop at the end of your sentence.

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
14. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
BUT WAIT -- THERE'S MORE!!
Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they built a fire. The kayak sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!
All these were swiped from another website! Even my sense of humor isn't that off-the-wall!

Jon wrote in post #10701444
Sure "mathematics" is a plural? Ever encountered a single "mathematic"?

Yes as I recall it was in a Serious and Difficult Equations class (series and Differential Equations) The mathematic in question was at the end point of a Series which diminished to zero.

Wayne

hairy_moth wrote in post #10707405
BUT WAIT -- THERE'S MORE!!
Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest

Harry don't you realize that Puns are unconstitutional? Something about cruel and unusual punishment, ...............

Wayne

WMS wrote in post #10707810
Harry don't you realize that Puns are unconstitutional? Something about cruel and unusual punishment, ...............

Wayne

LOL!

hairy_moth wrote in post #10707405
1. Two antennas met on a roof [...]

BUT WAIT -- THERE'S MORE!!

[...]

All these were swiped from another website! Even my sense of humor isn't that off-the-wall!

These are great!

krepta wrote in post #10708151
These are great!

No they weren't!

But I have swiped them and sent them to a few people in my office!

neilwood32 wrote in post #10708260
No they weren't!

But I have swiped them and sent them to a few people in my office!

Called them your own, have you!

I hear that Eskimo girls have to be extremely careful about safe sex. If they aren't, they can wake up the next morning 6 months pregnant.

OK OK Enough with the puns!

Switch gears - If you want something visual, that's not too abysmal ......One of the funniest commercials I have ever seen, for the Milwaukee Cordless Drill. Kind of needs sound, but definitely Work Safe.

http://www.youtube.com​/watch?v=bxqXz8hwFv0

Rad