Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

Rad that is funny, and I would never have expected the way it ended...............

Wayne

bjordan wrote in post #10711446
I hear that Eskimo girls have to be extremely careful about safe sex. If they aren't, they can wake up the next morning 6 months pregnant.

Nice clever one!

I hear that, before creating people, God experimented on the animals to see what would work best.

You girls should be glad that he got the udder concept completely out of his mind.

20droger wrote in post #10712273
I hear that, before creating people, God experimented on the animals to see what would work best.

You girls should be glad that he got the udder concept completely out of his mind.

That's the best joke in this thread in a while!

ryant35 wrote in post #10712605
That's the best joke in this thread in a while!

I try.

And my wife says I'm very trying.

20droger wrote in post #10712611
I try.

And my wife says I'm very trying.

Pull the udder one!

"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't
seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his
phone and calls 911.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator
in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make
sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"

(I had considered changing this to name the hunters Obama and Cheney .. but that might have made it political).

My poor wife just had her annual mammogram.

You, know how a mammogram works, they squash the breasts flat between two big plates and take ultrasound images to look for signs of cancer.

Just imagine, guys, if they had a similar procedure for testicular cancer detection, the man-o-gram!

20droger wrote in post #10720171
My poor wife just had her annual mammogram.

You, know how a mammogram works, they squash the breasts flat between two big plates and take ultrasound images to look for signs of cancer.

Just imagine, guys, if they had a similar procedure for testicular cancer detection, the man-o-gram!

Oh no, please no... >___<

What do you call it when a cow doesn't quite jump a barbwire fence?

An udder catastrophe of course...

Not a joke, per se, but funny as hell (as long as it happened to someone else).

True story. A friend of mine was taking her new kitten to the vet and was simply holding it in her lap as she drove. A truck blew its horn and scared the kitten, who proceeded to climb up my friend's chest, passing one of its little needle-sharp kitten claws right through her nipple as it climbed.

I leave it to your imagination.

20droger wrote in post #10723637
Not a joke, per se, but funny as hell (as long as it happened to someone else).

True story. A friend of mine was taking her new kitten to the vet and was simply holding it in her lap as she drove. A truck blew its horn and scared the kitten, who proceeded to climb up my friend's chest, passing one of its little needle-sharp kitten claws right through her nipple as it climbed.

I leave it to your imagination.

Most nipple piercings involve a significant consumption of alcohol rather than Kittens, but to each his/her own.

Wayne

20droger wrote in post #10723637
Not a joke, per se, but funny as hell (as long as it happened to someone else).

True story. A friend of mine was taking her new kitten to the vet and was simply holding it in her lap as she drove. A truck blew its horn and scared the kitten, who proceeded to climb up my friend's chest, passing one of its little needle-sharp kitten claws right through her nipple as it climbed.

I leave it to your imagination.

A good advert for taking cats to the vets in a cage or box!:o

My ex refused to crate the kitten in the car until it jumped on the floorboard and I told her, "if that thing is under the brake pedal and I need to stop, I will not hesitate to squish it." It's not just annoying, it's a distraction and a safety issue. Crate the cat.

But she had so many cats that you couldn't swing a dead cat without... oh, nevermind.

Why do old-time computer techs all look like Neanderthals?

Because when you ask them what's wrong all they can do is shrug, and when they finally find the problem it's so obvious that they smack themselves in the forehead.

And, when repeated enough times, they get rounded shoulders and sloping foreheads.