Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

A priest is checking in at a hotel.
He says "I would like to make sure that the porn is disabled in my room."
The clerk replies "I am sorry sir, but we don't have any disabled porn... just regular porn."

Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?

1. _ _NDOM

2. F_ _K

3. P_N_S

4. PU_S_

5. S_X

6. BOO_S


Answers:

1. RANDOM

2. FORK

3. PANTS

4. PULSE

5. SIX

6. BOOKS


You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?


That's because you do not have Alzheimer's. You're just a pervert!!

Yeah, I bombed that test. At least I don't have Alzheimer's though

A lawyer boarded an Air Canada aircraft in Los Angeles with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in Montreal, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin,

"Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs, in Los Angeles, please raise your hand".

Not one hand went up. So she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.

Here's one from a few years ago.

Hillary Clinton went into a pet shop and found a beautiful, colorful parrot.
"Does this parrot talk? she asked. "Yes, he does" the manager told her.
"But why is this one only $50 - while all the others are $500?" she asked.
"Well, ma'am" the manager told her, "not everyone would want to own this parrot. He spent many years in a whorehouse and his language is terrible."
"Well, I'll take him anyway," she said.
"Suit yourself," the manager shrugged.
When she got back to the White House, she uncovered his cage and admired the colorful bird. The parrot tilted his head to one side, looked her straight in the eye and said, "New house, new madam."
Hillary laughed.
Soon Chelsea and a friend came in and began admiring the bird. "New house, new whores," the parrot observed.
At first they were offended, but when Hilary explained about the bird's history, they too, laughed.
After a while the President entered the living quarters. The parrot looked at him and said, "Hi, Bill!"

Swiss drivers can't get out of neutral...


Think about it.

You all know that Charlie Daniels song about "The devil went down to Georgia...." but did you realize that he actually played "Fiddler on the Hoof"?

A men ask his wife "What would you do if I win the Lotto?"
She said "I'll take half of your money and I'll be out of here"
He said "Well I just won $10, here's $5 and get the fµ¢≤ out"

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to Earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."

LBaldwin wrote in post #11770882
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to Earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."

Hahaha...awesome!

COPPER WIRE
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brit ' s, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British".

One week later, the state’s Dept of Minerals and Energy in Western Australia , reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in Western Australia ’s Pilbara region, Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f#$k all. Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless.

Oh, that is good Greg.

Greg_C wrote in post #11785886
COPPER WIRE ...

Unfortunately there is some of that reasoning going on in some circles.

Wayne

An 85 year old guy goes into confession.

Guy: Father for give me for I have sinned
Priest: What have you done my son
Guy: I have been having sexual relations with a 21 year old girl
Priest: Jeez!! That's no way for a good Catholic man to behave
Guy: I'm not a Catholic
Priest: So why are you telling me?
Guy: I'm 85 - I'm telling everybody!