Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

A father buys a lie-detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that day.
The son says, "I did some homework." The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "OK, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son again.
Son says, "OK! OK! We were watching porn!"
Dad says, "What?? At your age I didn't even know what porn was!" The robot slaps the father.
Mum laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son!" The robot slaps the mother.

P.S.: Robot for sale

double brilliant

The say that wealth and power are powerful aphrodisiacs.

Being broke and insignificant, this explains my sex life.

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The boy said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

A husband and wife are out shopping together.

The husband sees a sale on 24 cans of Budweiser
for $10, grabs a case and puts it in the cart.
His wifes says..'Put it back, it's too much money'.

A few minutes later in the cosmetics aisle, the wife grabs
a $20 container of beauty cream and puts it in the cart.
The husband asks..'Why do you need the beauty cream?'
She answers...'I need it to make me look beautiful for you.'

The husband replies...'Put it back, the 24 cans of Budweiser
do the same thing and it's $10 cheaper.

I'd like to leave you with the words of what my Grandfather said to me before he died... He said son... Ughhh.....

The old fart had a sense of humor he did...

Robin Williams - 1978?

Maybe I should tap into my roots, too. My grandmother was half Indian. She was in the Fakawee tribe. When they used to get lost in the woods, they'd stop and say "Hey, where da Fakawee?"

-Tony Soprano

I have a camera it's so advanced you don't even need it.

-Steven Wright

CameraMan wrote in post #15181950
Maybe I should tap into my roots, too. My grandmother was half Indian. She was in the Fakawee tribe. When they used to get lost in the woods, they'd stop and say "Hey, where da Fakawee?"

-Tony Soprano

made my morning, thanks

Why don't witches wear underwear?

So they can get a better grip on the broom stick.

Perfectly Frank wrote in post #15183147
Why don't witches wear underwear?

So they can get a better grip on the broom stick.

Eeewwwww!

2nd Grade Religion Class

Religion teacher asks the kids to think about where God is.

Boy #1 says, "In heaven."

"Yes, replies the teacher, God is definitely in heaven."

Boy #2 says, "In church?"

"Yes, replies the teacher, God is definitely at church with us."

Boy #3 says, "In the bathroom."

"Hmmm, says the teacher. How do you know God is in the bathroom, young man?"

Boy #3 says, "I heard my dad pounding on the door saying, 'Je$us Christ, how long are you going to be in there?!!!'"

I see...

Jericobot wrote in post #15185450
I see...

Said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw...