Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished
to see the bed
was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an
envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,
'Dad.'

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and, with
trembling hands, read the letter...

"Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid scene
with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she
is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all
her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she
is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy
said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and
has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream
of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't
really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it
with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and
ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for
AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know
your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
school report that's on the kitchen table.

next

Of course, Dad never read the P.S. The heart attack came before that.

Wonder what Joshua thinks when he comes home and finds his Mom dead on the floor beside Dad with the note between them. In a case like that, I mean...if someone were to really write a note like that and leave it, wouldn't it be a totally awesome stunt to stage heart attacks and let the kid find his parents on the floor with the note between em? after giving him a few heart racing moments of his own, jump up screaming gotcha!

One year, some 18 years ago about this time of year, I had stuffed a jumpsuit with papers, put boots on the legs and gloves on the arms with a Halloween mask on the neckline and set it on the front porch in a chair. It was there about 10 days before Halloween. The wind kept blowing the head over and when my ex-wife would come home from work she'd check the mailbox, step up to the Halloween dummy and straighten his head then open the door for my then 7 yr old son and come in. The day before Halloween I was home before them. I put the jumpsuit on, donned the gloves and boots, put the mask on and sat in the chair with my head lolling over onto my shoulder. Sure enough they come home. She steps up on the porch for the mail. My son takes the mail from her so she can fix "the dummy" and I jumped up and scared the bejeezus out of both of them! I swear here and now that I almost wet my own self laughing at them so hard! She was mad at me for days. True story! Happy Halloween people! Be safe!

Great story Dale. I did something similar to my niece and nephew who were 5 and 3 at the time. They had a dummy Freddie Kruger on the porch and I put the outfit on and as they walked up to the porch after school I jumped up and my niece pee'd her pants. I thought I was going to die laughing.

Here in Los Angeles the sheriffs dress in a tan, khaki type shirt.

In the spirit of Halloween, tomorrow I'll walk up to one and say...

Hey officer, nice costume! Which one are you? Andy or Barney?

Perfectly Frank wrote in post #15189269
Here in Los Angeles the sheriffs dress in a tan, khaki type shirt.

In the spirit of Halloween, tomorrow I'll walk up to one and say...

Hey officer, nice costume! Which one are you? Andy or Barney?

And the day after you'll be enjoying hospital food

thomascanty wrote in post #15185456
Said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw...

But did you hear the one about the mute man who picked up a wheel and spoke?

Tiberius47 wrote in post #15189866
But did you hear the one about the mute man who picked up a wheel and spoke?

I have now...

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, "Mary. Mary."
"Is that you, Fred?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice.
I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again."
"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."
.
.
"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Miami."

Frank, make sure it's Andy you ask...he never wore a gun! Guess it wouldn't matter as Barney couldn't get the bullet out of his pocket to shoot you with!

wannabegood wrote in post #15192008
Frank, make sure it's Andy you ask...he never wore a gun! Guess it wouldn't matter as Barney couldn't get the bullet out of his pocket to shoot you with!

Good point!

wannabegood wrote in post #15192008
Frank, make sure it's Andy you ask...he never wore a gun! Guess it wouldn't matter as Barney couldn't get the bullet out of his pocket to shoot you with!

However, i it was Barney, you would be told to "Break it up! There's nothing to see here!"
And then Andy would have to stage some kind of fake robbery so that Barney could get his self esteem back and luckily happen to catch a criminal!

When I was a baby, I kept a diary. Recently, I was rereading it. It said, "Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot."