Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

^ I laughed pretty hard when I watched it once,

and then laughed even louder when I saw that the guy on the bottom is using his hands as the pedals.

haahhaha!!!! XD

Simplistic wrote in post #15269637
^ I laughed pretty hard when I watched it once,

and then laughed even louder when I saw that the guy on the bottom is using his hands as the pedals.

haahhaha!!!! XD

I know...inspired, I think.

well me and like 4 other guys who have insane senses of humor travel practically every month to some damn airport and I'm just maybe gonna have to make them do it and record them in every different airport we go to.

and then do a montage of it.

Kind of like this guy:

http://www.youtube.com​/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY

(keep watching until 2:25.)

two great videos, thanks for sharing. Starting my day with a smile is always great..

I just got this one this morning. But I think it may be old. It made me smile so I am going to repost it.

Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"S***, Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday evening. I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, "Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, Here I am. You guys want a beer?"

^^^Jeez...I wonder if he ever went home?!!!

I`ve just finished reading this entire thread, airport traffic and Paddy jokes were the ones I enjoyed the most.
Here are some that I`m pretty sure haven`t been posted here.

1. A guy comes home in the morning and just when he was taking off his pants his wife wakes up and says: You drunkard, is this a proper time to come home?!
No honey, he says, pulling up his pants, I was just leaving.

2. Three drunks are crawling on the train tracks, one in front of the other. The last one says: boy, so many steps! the one in the middle goes: at least we have a handrail. The first one: don`t worry guys, here comes the elevator!

3. One canibal to another: let`s go grab a bite. I know a quiet morgue just around the corner.

4. One emo dude gets lost in the mountains. With his last effort he manages to find a sheepfold and asks the sheperd for something to eat and a place to sleep. The sheperd invites him inside, sits him at the table and offers him a meal. The emo guy starts to eat but he can`t help notice that the sheperd is looking at him with what appears to be lust in his eyes.
-You know, I just look like a girl, with my long hair and make up and all, but I`m actually a boy. So I hope you don`t hink you`re going to f*** me.
- Oh, I`m gonna f*** you all right, I was just thinking about how I`m going to set you.

Lay An A** Gallery
.

Thanksgiving dishes...
.

x_tan wrote in post #15298748
Lay An A** Gallery
.

Nice.

So here's mine.

Some bum guy comes over to his friend's house, and says to him "You know, for some reason, everyone seems to think I'm god recently"
To which his friend replies "Why is that that?"
Well, wherever I go, people keep saying "God, it's him again!"

An Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
'No', he replies,'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..'
The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch?
''What's so special about it?'
The Aussie explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'

Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'
The woman giggles and replies
'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'

The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says,

'Bloody thing's an hour fast.'

philwillmedia wrote in post #15298804
An Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
'No', he replies,'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..'
The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch?
''What's so special about it?'
The Aussie explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'

Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'
The woman giggles and replies
'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'

The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says,

'Bloody thing's an hour fast.'

James Bond walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her his seductive look and says:
Bond. James Bond.
The woman replies:
Off. F*** off.

philwillmedia wrote in post #15298804
An Aussie walks into a pub...

OZ
.

I just found this thread. I don't know if i'll ever manage to read it all, but here's one anyways.. hope it hasn't been posted before.

Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'

Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you
can go back, and that is as a chicken.' Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'

'Never,' said Ed.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the
back of his head, and heard.....

"Ed, wake up! You sh*t the bed!"

More fun in Europe
.