Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

bubbygator wrote in post #15304476

+1!!

^ ^

PhotosGuy wrote in post #15308087
A Jewish mother gives her son two shirts for Hanukkah. The next day he visits & is wearing one of them.
She says, "What, you didn't like the other one?"

This exemplifies the fact that, with a Jewish mother, there is no way you can win.

Hell, forget winning! You can't even break even.

And always remember, you don't have to be Jewish to be a Jewish mother. In fact, you don't even have to be female.

Zurich plans to open drive-in "sex boxes" to let hookers ply their trade discreetly. Bill Clinton is now seeking to be the next ambassador to Switzerland.

Dragging up another old one

Did you know that the whole Lewinsky/Clinton affair was all due to a misunderstanding. After weeks of the quality Whitehouse food getting worse, Bill finally had enough and ordered Monica to 'go down and sack my cook'.

Another old one....

Depressed-

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel ,
"Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead
you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said,
"Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this
is the Promised Land."

Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the
price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the
economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement
funds, etc .... I called a Suicide Hotline.

I had to press 1 for English.

I was connected to a call center in Pakistan..I told them I was suicidal.

They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck......

Folks, we're screwed

A young lad and his Grandpa were out walking when the lad bent down and picked something up. He showed it to his Grandpa who was surprised to see a Viagra in the boys hand. Oh it's nothing lad but let me have it and I will give you a pound for it tomorrow. The lad gave it to his Grandpa and thought nothing more of it.

The following day the old man gave the boy five pounds, "but Grandpa you said you would give me a pound" That's right son he said, the other four are from your Grandma.

^^^

Did any of you hear about the two antennas that got married?

The wedding was boring, but the reception was great!

CJCMarquez wrote in post #15312801
^^^

Did any of you hear about the two antennas that got married?

The wedding was boring, but the reception was great!

QSL good buddy. (Ham operator joke)
73's from N6TNK

Calicajun wrote in post #15312887
QSL good buddy. (Ham operator joke)
73's from N6TNK

Sorry..I don't follow..?

Calicajun wrote in post #15312887
QSL good buddy. (Ham operator joke)
73's from N6TNK

CJCMarquez wrote in post #15313631
Sorry..I don't follow..?

"QSL" is ham radio code for "I confirm receipt of your transmission." In more casual terms, "QSL good buddy" means "I get you, good buddy."

"73's from N6TNK" means "best wishes from N6TNK (his call sign)."

Remember, this was in response to an antenna joke.

He's a Ham Radio operator, N6TNK. QSL="Message received". 73="Regards".

2 guys are walking down the street. They see a dog on the sidewalk licking/cleaning its private area. First guy says "Man I wish I could do that". 2nd guy looks at him puzzled and replies, "Maybe you should try petting him first"

Read it in a Georgia/Alabama accent.
-----

Redneck Nativity

In a small Southern town there was a Nativity Scene that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"

To Tell the weather, Go to your back door and look for the dog.

If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.

If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.

If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.

Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely,

The CAT