Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

Tiberius47 wrote in post #15347127
The Perfect Couple.

That is comic gold!

A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking doctors and asks nervously, "Is there a problem?"

The head surgeon says gently, with tears in his eyes, "I'm afraid so...I'm sorry but your notes got mixed up and we've given you a sex change rather than a vasectomy."

The patient is devastated and shockingly replies, "Do you mean to say I'll never experience another erection?"

The surgeon pauses for a moment then says, "Well, you might, but it won't be yours."

If the answer is Cock Robin, what is the question....

philwillmedia wrote in post #15348033
If the answer is Cock Robin, what is the question....

"Why did the chicken cross the Tasman?" ??

This guy is at his local Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and he sees a woman there that he has never seen before, and he begins to chat with her during the break. "So, what brings you here?" he asks.

She unfolds a piece of paper and says "Well, I need to get this signed for my parole officer."

"Your parole officer?" he replies.

"Yeah," she continues, "I just got out of prison last week"

"Hmm, prison?" he asks.

"Yes. The last time I got drunk, I blacked out and went into a psychotic rage and murdered my husband."

"Oh, you're single…"

Radtech1 wrote in post #15350051
This guy is at his local Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and he sees a woman there that he has never seen before, and he begins to chat with her during the break. "So, what brings you here?" he asks.

She unfolds a piece of paper and says "Well, I need to get this signed for my parole officer."

"Your parole officer?" he replies.

"Yeah," she continues, "I just got out of prison last week"

"Hmm, prison?" he asks.

"Yes. The last time I got drunk, I blacked out and went into a psychotic rage and murdered my husband."

"Oh, you're single…"

And I'm pretty certain the guy is single and desperate.

D. Vance wrote in post #15350116
And I'm pretty certain the guy is single and desperate.

Or he's at the AA meeting, and wasted.

philwillmedia wrote in post #15348033
If the answer is Cock Robin, what is the question....

What's that up my bum Batman...

A woman comes into a vet clinic with a limp duck in her hands.

The vet takes the duck, lays it on the table and after careful examination
tells the woman that her duck is dead.

The woman is disbelieving and asks him if he is sure the duck is dead.

The vet leaves the room and returns with a black labrador retriever.

The dog jumps up on the table, sniffs the duck, shakes his head and leaves the room.

The vet leaves the room again and returns with a cat.

The cat jumps up on the table, looks at the duck, shakes his head and leaves the room.

After the cat leaves, the vet prints out a bill for $150 and gives it to the woman.

The woman is outraged at the bill and questions why it's $150 for him to tell her the
duck is dead.

The vet replies...'Normally it would have been $20 but the extra cost is for the lab report
and cat scan'.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he was drinking coffee before it was cool

How do you make a dog meow...?
Put it in a freezer for three days then run it across a band-saw....meeeeooooow

How do you make a cat go woof...?
Soak it in petrol and then throw it a match....WOOF

Q: What is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?
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A: Luke warm.

Hahaha. I like that one. Any more Star Wars jokes?

I took my Granddad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange, and blue. My Granddad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Granddad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son .."