Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

I'm sure this sale won't last long! Get 'em while their hot!!!

http://www.harborfreig​ht.com …aucet-expander-94377.html

A female BBC journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was,walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave,using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from the BBC. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.
"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a f****ng brick wall."

icopus wrote in post #15373941
I'm sure this sale won't last long! Get 'em while their hot!!!

http://www.harborfreig​ht.com …aucet-expander-94377.html

Regular price was $8.99 On sale for $8.97

CameraMan wrote in post #15374267
Regular price was $8.99 On sale for $8.97

Yep! I bought 10 thousand of them and saved 20 bucks. Cool, eh!

Ricardo222 wrote in post #15374374
Yep! I bought 10 thousand of them and saved 20 bucks. Cool, eh!

They ripped you off. You should have saved $200.

Hey, Ricardo. Sell them to the military for $48 each and you'll not sweat the $180 ripoff.

lehmanncpa wrote in post #15374439
They ripped you off. You should have saved $200.

The $180.00 was spent on freight, of course!

icopus wrote in post #15374555
Hey, Ricardo. Sell them to the military for $48 each and you'll not sweat the $180 ripoff.

Just goes to show what an expensive education gewts you, doersn't it. Or maqybe I'm just a loiusy tyupist!

CJCMarquez wrote in post #15373734
Hahaha. I like that one. Any more Star Wars jokes?

son: whats that on the grill dad ?
dad: it's wookie steak
son: whats that like?
dad: it's a little chewie

Ricardo222 wrote in post #15374675
The $180.00 was spent on freight, of course!

touché

(Read the following imagining Rodney Dangerfield's voice.)

I came home the other day, and my wife's reading my Car and Driver magazine. She looks up and says "I want a shiny machine that goes from zero to two hundred in 3 seconds flat..."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

My favorite Rodney Dangerfield -

"I got a letter from Ed MacMahon - it said 'You may already be a loser!' "

My wife was born on December 23.

When we got married, she made it very clear that birthday presents and Christmas presents are separate and may not be combined.

So last year I gave her a new car for her birthday. On Christmas, I gave her the keys.


----------


The divorce was final in July.

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.

"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."

That's him on Aisle 5 - he never knew what hit him...

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!