Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow!

philwillmedia wrote in post #15390840
People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow!

^^ How long have you been holding on to that one?

lehmanncpa wrote in post #15390955
^^ How long have you been holding on to that one?

He had to hold it until doomsday was tomorrow.

Hey Roger, on the other hand...you can buy expensive exotic gifts for all your closest friends and give them out early, if the hype is true you won't have to pay for a single one!

There's gonna be an awful lot of people waking up tomorrow wishing there was a punchline.

Did you hear about the Irishman who attempted to swim across the English Channel?

He got tired half way across, so he swam back...

Harm wrote in post #15391933
Did you hear about the Irishman who attempted to swim across the English Channel?

He got tired half way across, so he swam back...

Did you hear about the Englishman who attempted to swim across the English Channel?

He got tired three quarters of the way across, so he swam back too...

That is beyond lame

Try this one on for lame:

What is big, yellow and can't swim?

.
.
.
.
.
.

A Bulldozer.

An elderly woman goes to a medical clinic and is seen by a young doctor.

After a few minutes, the examination room door flies open and the woman
runs down the hall sobbing and in a terrible panic.

An older doctor stops the woman and tries to console her.

After listening to the woman, the older doctor angrily confronts the young
doctor telling him...'This woman is 75 years old,there's no way she is pregnant'.

The young doctor replies..'Does she still have hiccups?'

hqqns wrote in post #15392621
Did you hear about the Englishman who attempted to swim across the English Channel?

That is just sad

Harm wrote in post #15393018
That is just sad

Aren't all Irish/English jokes?

neil_r wrote in post #15382469
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.

"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."

That's him on Aisle 5 - he never knew what hit him...

Beer! Helping ugly people get laid for over 6000 years!

20droger wrote in post #15393043
Aren't all Irish/English jokes?

Only when they are repeating the joke above it

neil_r wrote in post #15393310
Only when they are repeating the joke above it

Did you get offended because the Englishman swam 50% further than the poor Irishman? :P

No, but since the thread is about good jokes, what you out had zero creativity to it, straight after input one up and was overall a crap "joke", if it even was a joke. The punch line was terrible. The offence? None whatsoever and I am adamant that Neil took no offence to it either.