1. The wife was counting all the 1 & 2 cent coins out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason.
I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."
2. When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkas saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman.
What a pair of sexist knobs......... I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the ***** thing!
3. An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain.
It came as no surprise to learn his name was 'Bindair Dundat".
4. Little Johnny is sitting in geography class when the teacher asks him, "Where is Pakistan ?" He replies, "Outside playing with Paki-Dave".
5. Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed six people in the **** in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
6. Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
7. Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.