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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
20droger
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Jun 05, 2014 17:06 as a reply to  @ post 16954253 |  #6631

I've gotten completely out of shape, so I decided to take an arobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for over an hour. Finally, I got my leotard on, but by then, the class was over.




  
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Jon
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Jun 05, 2014 17:44 |  #6632

20droger wrote in post #16954221 (external link)
I've sure gotten old!

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and a knee replacement. I've had cancer, have diabetes, have high blood pressure, and have poor circulation. I can't hear worth a damn and I'm half blind.

I take 40 different medications a day, which cause me to be dizzy, short of breath, and prone to blackouts.

Alzheimers has left me unable to remember why I went out and where I should go back to, and virtually all my friends are either forgotten or dead.

But thank God, I still have my driver's license.

20droger wrote in post #16954253 (external link)
Sometimes I pretend to be normal.

But that gets boring, so I go back to being just myself.

Er . . . Roger . . . You do realize this is the Jokes thread?

20droger wrote in post #16954242 (external link)
The U.S. and Russia have gotten together and agreed to point all their nuclear missiles into the ocean instead of at each other.

After all, we gotta do something to stop the damned Carnival Cruise ships.

Would that they would! Worst year I ever spent was a week with their panhandlers masquerading as staff.


Jon
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OhLook
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Jun 05, 2014 18:16 |  #6633

20droger wrote in post #16954221 (external link)
I've sure gotten old!

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and a knee replacement. I've had cancer, have diabetes, have high blood pressure, and have poor circulation. I can't hear worth a damn and I'm half blind.

I take 40 different medications a day, which cause me to be dizzy, short of breath, and prone to blackouts.

Alzheimers has left me unable to remember why I went out and where I should go back to, and virtually all my friends are either forgotten or dead.

But thank God, I still have my driver's license.

Now there's a joke I can sink my remaining teeth into.


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20droger
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Jun 05, 2014 18:18 |  #6634

OhLook wrote in post #16954378 (external link)
Now there's a joke I can sink my remaining teeth into.

Both of them?!




  
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20droger
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Jun 05, 2014 18:20 |  #6635

Jon wrote in post #16954337 (external link)
Er . . . Roger . . . You do realize this is the Jokes thread?

You're very funny, Jon. But then, looks aren't everything.

But aren't you glad that you still have your driver's license?




  
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20droger
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Jun 05, 2014 18:25 |  #6636

Jon wrote in post #16954337 (external link)
Would that they would! Worst year I ever spent was a week with their panhandlers masquerading as staff.

Look at it this way, Jon. At least your ship stayed upright, unlike that Italian one! Every man for himself, except the captain is first!

Unless you were on that cruise where all the toilets stopped up? Now that would have been a cruise to remember!!!




  
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Jon
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Jun 05, 2014 19:02 |  #6637

20droger wrote in post #16954383 (external link)
You're very funny, Jon. But then, looks aren't everything.

But aren't you glad that you still have your driver's license?

Falling back on one you originated, then? :{)#


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20droger
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Jun 05, 2014 21:20 |  #6638

Jon wrote in post #16954423 (external link)
Falling back on one you originated, then? :{)#

Hmpf! Never trust cocker spaniels in kilts!




  
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tim
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Jun 06, 2014 00:06 |  #6639

A variation on the joke in the first post of this thread, way back in 2005, still one of my favorites.

YOU: Knock knock.
THEM: Who's there?
YOU: The interrupting starfish.
THEM: The interru-
YOU: (spread out your fingers and quickly grab their face in the middle of their sentence)


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joeseph
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Jun 06, 2014 04:44 |  #6640

tim wrote in post #16911630 (external link)
Remember when you post a comment hundreds or thousands of people are notified, think they're going to get a good joke to read, but it's just blabber.

Back to the jokes.

tim wrote in post #16954812 (external link)
A variation on the joke in the first post of this thread, way back in 2005, still one of my favorites.

YOU: Knock knock.
THEM: Who's there?
YOU: The interrupting starfish.
THEM: The interru-
YOU: (spread out your fingers and quickly grab their face in the middle of their sentence)

Ding! ;)


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CameraMan
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Jun 06, 2014 06:35 |  #6641

tim wrote in post #16911630 (external link)
Perhaps we need a "people blabber on about jokes" thread so this one can stay on topic. Remember when you post a comment hundreds or thousands of people are notified, think they're going to get a good joke to read, but it's just blabber.

Back to the jokes.

I kind of like some of the banter. Some of the jokes are stale and the banter just helps sometimes. :)

Now, back to the banter... I mean jokes. :lol:


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Yno
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Jun 06, 2014 08:51 as a reply to  @ CameraMan's post |  #6642

A man complains to his doctor about constipation. The doctor gives him a box of suppositories and tells him to come back when they are gone. When he returns he says "For all the good those damn pills did I might as well have shoved them up my a$$!"


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JasonMK
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Jun 06, 2014 16:28 |  #6643

Toilet stolen from police station. Cops have nothing to go on.


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Mark ­ Vuleta
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Jun 07, 2014 19:38 |  #6644

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The florist's son brought the teacher a Bouquet of flowers.

The candy-store owner's daughter gave the Teacher a pretty box of candy.

Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she guessed.

"No," the boy replied.

She tasted another drop And asked, " Champagne ?.

"No," said the little boy.... "It's a puppy."




  
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CameraMan
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Jun 10, 2014 12:50 |  #6645

This guy went to confession. I went with him. And he confessed that he had sex with a girl in the Parish. And the priest asked him "Was it Mary Anne Goti"?

He said "no".

"Was it Felicia Andrini"?

He said "no".

"Was it Louise Gowgni"?

He said "no".

Then the Priest said, "Well you're going to say 50 hail Mary's and put half your allowance in the plate".

He came out and I asked him how he did. He said "Not too bad and I got 3 good leads".


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