Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

Traci_Ann needs a trip to Thailand

Harm wrote in post #16991424
Traci_Ann needs a trip to Thailand

That'd do it! She'd be stuck like this forever!

You know you're ugly when group picture times comes and they hand YOU the camera.....

rivas8409 wrote in post #16991995
You know you're ugly when group picture times comes and they hand YOU the camera.....

crap...
you mean I'm not really the best photographer...

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare..

Sister Maryellen entered the Monastery of Silence.

The Priest said, 'Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so.

Sister Maryellen lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, 'Sister Maryellen, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.'

Sister Maryellen said, 'Hard bed.'


'I'm sorry to hear that,' the Priest said, 'We will get you a better bed.'


After another 5 years, Sister Maryellen was summoned by the Priest.

'You may say another two words, Sister Maryellen.'


'Cold food,' said Sister Maryellen, and the Priest assured her that the
food would be better in the future.


On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Maryellen in to his office.

'You may say two words today.'


'I quit,' said Sister Maryellen.


'It's probably best,' said the Priest, 'You've done nothing but **** since
you got here.'

Love these last two! ; D

At the restaurant I heard a lady say her taco was too salty.

My wife had to leap over the table and cover my mouth before I said something

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.

He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"

"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.

"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"

The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."

"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.

"I'm nineteen," he replied.

"And how old is she?" asked the officer.

The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."

LBaldwin wrote in post #17005952
At the restaurant I heard a lady say her taco was too salty.

My wife had to leap over the table and cover my mouth before I said something

Oh...

A hiker, alone in the woods, came across a stream with a beautiful, sparkling pool. Being hot, sweaty, and dirty, the hiker decides he would take a dip in the pool to clean and refresh himself.

While in the pool (and completely helpless), he hears a noise and looks up to see a grizzly charging towards him.

He immediately prays, "Oh Lord, please make this bear a Christian."

Sure enough, the bear stops charging. Instead, it kneels and says, "Thank you, Lord, for this food I am about to receive...."

A blond decided to learn to fly a helicopter. The training went pretty well, and she finally did her solo flight. All was well at first, but then at 3000 feet the helicopter suddenly plummeted to earth and crashed.

Fortunately, she survived. When her instructor asked her what happened, she said, "Well, at 1000 feet, everything was okay. And at 2000 feet, everything was still okay. But at 3000 feet, I felt a little chilly, so I turned off the big fan."

If it weren't for marriage, a man could live his whole life thinking he had no faults at all.

There's a new computer virus going around that's disabling thousands of corporate computers.

Office workers everywhere are having to play solitaire with real cards!