Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

20droger wrote in post #17018612
If you're nice to me, I might tell you why brides are like horses.

Something about the Bridal and being ridden?

20droger wrote in post #17018612
Actually, not true.

The white wedding dress for common folk is relatively new and definitely a twentieth-century custom. In fact, dear old Emily Post, in the 1920s, recommended pastel colors for spring/summer brides and darker colors for fall/winter brides, with no mention of white.

The first white wedding dress was worn by a princess of France for the sole purpose of showing that she was rich enough to have a custom-made dress that she could only wear once. (In those days, before detergents, white turned into a dingy gray after only one wash.) Now, if it was good enough for the princess, it was good enough for the ladies of the royal court, then good enough for the nobility, then good enough for the merely wealthy, and so on down the line.

Thank goodness none of our modern brides are so fiscally foolish. (And the sound you hear is hundreds of thousands of bride's fathers groaning at that one.)

In the old days, brides among the common folk traditionally wore a new dress of dark red. Dark red was a noble color that faded to a not-unpleasant brown, thus making the dress practical.

And as for the virginity/purity thing, that is purely a retrofit definition. In fact, for thousands of years the clergy have had a saying about bridal purity: The first child can come any time; the rest take nine months.

And besides, a man can be as virginal and pure as a woman. They just don't brag about it.

Wedding folklore and myths I know, having been in the business for a large portion of my adult life. If you're nice to me, I might tell you why brides are like horses.

I think that we are both right Roger. The beginning of this extract from Wikipedia aligns with your theory (which I don't dispute), whereas the last few words tally with my assertion -
'The tradition of a white wedding is commonly credited to Queen Victoria's choice to wear a white wedding dress at her wedding to Prince Albert in 1840. Royal brides before Victoria did not typically wear white, instead choosing "heavy brocaded gowns embroidered with white and silver thread," with red being a particularly popular colour in Western Europe more generally. European and American brides had been wearing a plethora of colours, including blue, yellow, and practical colours like black, brown, or gray. As accounts of Victoria's wedding spread across the Atlantic and throughout Europe elites followed her lead. Because of the limitations of laundering techniques, white dresses provided an opportunity for conspicuous consumption. They were favored primarily as a way to show the world that the bride's family was so wealthy and so firmly part of the leisure class that the bride would choose an elaborate dress that could be ruined by any sort of work or spill.[3] The colour white was also the colour girls were required to wear at the time when they were presented to the court.

Although women were required to wear veils in many churches through at least the 19th century, the resurgence of the wedding veil as a symbol of the bride, and its use even when not required by the bride's religion, coincided with societal emphasis on women being modest and well-behaved.


Etiquette books then began to turn the practice into a tradition and the white gown soon became a popular symbol of status that also carried "a connotation of innocence and sexual purity."'

So the doctor ask the elderly woman, "How long have you been bedridden?"

Somewhat offended, she indignantly replies, "Not since my husband died 15 years ago!"

Why is the Director of Photography never allowed to take a smoke break?


It takes them 2 hours to light anything.

Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation"?

Maybe now, It hasn't come out yet.

Roy Mathers wrote in post #17018294
Actually, the white at a wedding is supposed to represent virginity/purity - so it obviously wouldn't apply to a man.

20droger wrote in post #17018612
Actually, not true.

The white wedding dress for common folk is relatively new and definitely a twentieth-century custom. In fact, dear old Emily Post, in the 1920s, recommended pastel colors for spring/summer brides and darker colors for fall/winter brides, with no mention of white.

The first white wedding dress was worn by a princess of France for the sole purpose of showing that she was rich enough to have a custom-made dress that she could only wear once. (In those days, before detergents, white turned into a dingy gray after only one wash.) Now, if it was good enough for the princess, it was good enough for the ladies of the royal court, then good enough for the nobility, then good enough for the merely wealthy, and so on down the line.

Thank goodness none of our modern brides are so fiscally foolish. (And the sound you hear is hundreds of thousands of bride's fathers groaning at that one.)

In the old days, brides among the common folk traditionally wore a new dress of dark red. Dark red was a noble color that faded to a not-unpleasant brown, thus making the dress practical.

And as for the virginity/purity thing, that is purely a retrofit definition. In fact, for thousands of years the clergy have had a saying about bridal purity: The first child can come any time; the rest take nine months.

And besides, a man can be as virginal and pure as a woman. They just don't brag about it.

Wedding folklore and myths I know, having been in the business for a large portion of my adult life. If you're nice to me, I might tell you why brides are like horses.

Roy Mathers wrote in post #17020587
I think that we are both right Roger. The beginning of this extract from Wikipedia aligns with your theory (which I don't dispute), whereas the last few words tally with my assertion -
'The tradition of a white wedding is commonly credited to Queen Victoria's choice to wear a white wedding dress at her wedding to Prince Albert in 1840. Royal brides before Victoria did not typically wear white, instead choosing "heavy brocaded gowns embroidered with white and silver thread," with red being a particularly popular colour in Western Europe more generally. European and American brides had been wearing a plethora of colours, including blue, yellow, and practical colours like black, brown, or gray. As accounts of Victoria's wedding spread across the Atlantic and throughout Europe elites followed her lead. Because of the limitations of laundering techniques, white dresses provided an opportunity for conspicuous consumption. They were favored primarily as a way to show the world that the bride's family was so wealthy and so firmly part of the leisure class that the bride would choose an elaborate dress that could be ruined by any sort of work or spill.[3] The colour white was also the colour girls were required to wear at the time when they were presented to the court.

Although women were required to wear veils in many churches through at least the 19th century, the resurgence of the wedding veil as a symbol of the bride, and its use even when not required by the bride's religion, coincided with societal emphasis on women being modest and well-behaved.


Etiquette books then began to turn the practice into a tradition and the white gown soon became a popular symbol of status that also carried "a connotation of innocence and sexual purity."'

So, the joke is that the idea of "purity"/virginity would apply to, well, anyone!!

I accidentally took a woman's multi-vitamin this morning. I have been trying to get dressed now for 2 hours but everything makes me look fat.

Wanna hear a sick joke?

My ex-wife with a cold!

Marriage is sharing.....

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and
carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two
piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down
between them.... As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people
around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is
one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely
offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were
just fine - they were used to sharing everything

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.
She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns
sipping the drink.


Again the young man begged them to let him buy them another meal.


This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything..'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin,
the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single
bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered:


'THE TEETH.'

On their way to the church to get married, a young couple are killed in a car accident. They find themselves standing in front of St. Peter at the gates.

Peter bids them enter. The young man asks Peter, "Before we enter, I'd like to ask you a question. We were on our way to get married when we died. Can we get married in Heaven?"

Peter says, "I don't know. No-one has ever asked before. Take a seat and I'll check it out."

The couple sits and Peter disappears. And stays disappeared for a very long time. Three months, in fact.

While waiting for Peter, the couple talks about being married, and comes to the conclusion that eternity is a very long time. What if, after a millennium or two, they find that things are just not working out.

Finally, Peter returns, looking much the worse for wear, and says, "Yes, you can get married in Heaven."

The couple explains, "After thinking about it, we're not sure that marriage for eternity is a good idea. If things don't work out, can they get a divorce in Heaven?"

Peter turns red in the face and shouts, "Oh come on! It took me three months to find a priest up here! How long do you think it'll take to find a lawyer!"

And the priest that Peter finally found came from a very small parish that had no altar boys.

. . . or even altar boys . . .

My bad. I fixed.

Of course, if there had been an altar boy, he would have been altered.

Also, of course, there is no marriage in Heaven. Marriage ends at death. That's the "...'til death do us part" bit.

So if you're stuck with the spouse from Hell, not to worry. The afterlife solves all such problems.