Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

A rabbi and a priest walking through a park when they notice a group of schoolboys playing.

The priest whispers to the rabbi, "Hey, let's go screw those little boys."

The rabbi replies excitedly, "OK! Outta what?!?"

If you graduate last in your class in high school, they call you an idiot.

If you graduate last in your class in med school, they call you doctor.

An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.

About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.

The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.


My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.


I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." ***


Guess where the f##k I am now…

*** Created a nation wide fast food chicken restaurant in the US.

Thanks - a nice start to my morning !

icopus wrote in post #17108565
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.


My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.


I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." ***


Guess where the f##k I am now…

*** Created a nation wide fast food chicken restaurant in the US.

I can sympathize. I was in the principal's office so much that I had a chair reserved just for me.

I also related. I got swats every year from the 3rd grade to the 11th grade. You can't keep a good man down!

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.

“How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Canada-U.S. temperature conversion chart:


50 Fahrenheit (10 C)

• Californians shiver uncontrollably.

• Canadians plant gardens.

35 Fahrenheit (1.6 C)

• Italian Cars won’t start

• Canadians drive with the windows down

32 Fahrenheit (0 C)

• American water freezes

• Canadian water gets thicker.

0 Fahrenheit (-17..9 C)

• New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.

• Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-60 Fahrenheit (-51 C)

• Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.

• Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-109.9 Fahrenheit (-78.5 C)

• Carbon dioxide freezes makes dry ice.

• Canadians pull down their earflaps.

-173 Fahrenheit (-114 C)

• Ethyl alcohol freezes.

• Canadians get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg

-459.67 Fahrenheit (-273.15 C)

• Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.

• Canadians start saying “cold, eh?”

-500 Fahrenheit (-295 C)

• Hell freezes over.

• The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

I'm neither American nor Canadian, but I find this funny!

Likewise - especially the last one.

Yeah, it is a common to take stabs at the Maple Leafs, and their fans. You either cheer for them, or any other team playing them.

Thanks guys for some good giggles

the Maple Leafs, ----- I had to google them to find out what sport they played

Am also neither US nor Canadian


Dave

Davenn wrote in post #17117800
Thanks guys for some good giggles

the Maple Leafs, ----- I had to google them to find out what sport they played

Am also neither US nor Canadian


Dave

Many Americans would have to google what sport the Maple Leafs play...and then we would have to google "hockey".

JasonMK wrote in post #17118208
Many American's would have to google what sport the Maple Leafs allegedly play...and then we would have to google "hockey".

Corrected for you.

I happen to support them