Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

meanwhile, this was on my fb page...

^^ Chet??

Immaculens wrote in post #17274380
meanwhile, this was on my fb page...

Hey! Makes sense to me.

As Roger says, perfectly obvious!

but... 'some' DO wear hats!

Immaculens wrote in post #17275324
but... 'some' DO wear hats!

That doesn't matter. It's how you F-E-E-L that counts.

Immaculens wrote in post #17275324
but... 'some' DO wear hats!

How do you know?

Immaculens wrote in post #17275324
but... 'some' DO wear hats!

Only those with heads.

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"good morning" said the young man. "if I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners."
"go away" said the little old lady. I havent got any money" and she proceeded to shut the door.
Quick as a flash the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"dont be so hasty" he said. "at least not until you have seen my demonstration." and with that he emptied a bucket of horsedroppings all over her hallway carpet.
"if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horsesdroppings from your carpet madam, I will personally eat the remainder." he says
"well" she said. "I hope you've got a very good appetite because I had the electricity cut off this morning"

Two old guys met daily in the park. One day Russ didn't show up. Fred didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Fred really got worried.

However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Fred didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Fred figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Fred approached the park and-- lo and behold!--there sat Russ! Fred was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?'

Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail!' cried Fred. What in the world for?'

'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'

'Yeah,' said Fred, 'I remember her. What about her?

'Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed rape charges against me; and, at 83 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.

'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'

the prom joke. If you know it, you'll be happy that no one has told it lately

Kudos to RGJ - whoever that is!

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

JasonMK wrote in post #17322856
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Oh so true!!!

Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The Officer says, " I clocked you at 120 kph. sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your set belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says," Now dear you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Only when he's been drinking."