Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

Joke for math nerds:

Q: What's purple and commutes?

A: An Abelian grape.

GregDunn wrote in post #17491242
Joke for math nerds:

Q: What's purple and commutes?

A: An Abelian grape.

And if you add a second operation there would be a Ring of truth to it.

What do you call a girl on a saxophone players arm

A tattoo

JasonMK wrote in post #17491224
Recently, Ringling Brothers announced they are phasing out elephants despite P. T. Barnum making them such an iconic part of their popular circus act over the past 133 years. I joked that there were now going to be a lot of unemployed elephants out there, to which my admin replied, "It's ok, they were only working for peanuts."

[true story]

Elephants don't eat peanuts!

Knock knock.

who's there?

To.

To who?

No. "To whom".

How do you tell the sex of an ant ?

Drop an ant in a glass of water......if it sinks, its a girl ant:

if it floats, its boy ant

Two beat approach a house after reports of gunshots were reported by neighbors.

Upon arriving at the property, they observed a male with severe gunshot wounds to the head.

They call in to Homicide to report their findings of an apparent murder…

Cop: Hello, Homicide?

Homicide: Yes.

Cop: This is Sgt John. We have an apparent homicide here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped.

Homicide: Have you arrested the woman?

Cop: No sir... the floor is still wet!

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland when they saw the exit sign, DISNEYLAND LEFT.
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They started crying and headed home.

LV Moose wrote in post #17499378
Two blondes were driving to Disneyland when they saw the exit sign, DISNEYLAND LEFT.
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They started crying and headed home.

Heard a similar joke once.

Two guys were going hunting and saw a sign that said 'bear left'. So they went home.

It's a bugger to be Old


OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!


An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

Apparently the sign "Stroke Patients" at the local hospital doesn't mean what I thought...

WorkingClassHero wrote in post #17520915
Apparently the sign "Stroke Patients" at the local hospital doesn't mean what I thought...

LOL

Some good ones in here lately!

The American Government. HAHA! Get it?

This is a cut and paste from my phone so pardon the grammar!

One Engineer could not find a job so he opens a clinic and puts a board outside.. get treatment for Rs. 300...if not treated get back Rs. 1000.

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn Rs. 1000 and goes to clinic.

Doctor : I have lost taste in eating
Engineer : Nurse, bring medicine from box no 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.
Patient (Doctor) : This is Petrol
Engineer : Congrats.. you got your taste back ..give me Rs. 300

Doctor gets annoyed, goes back after some days to recover his money

Doctor : I have lost my memory, can not remember anything
Engineer : Nurse, bring medicine from box no 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.
Doctor : But this medicine for taste of the tongue!
Engineer : congrats. you got your memory back.. give my fees Rs. 300.

Doctor goes back angrily and comes back after some days

Doctor : My eyesight is become weak.
Engineer : Well I don't have any medicine for this. Take this Rs. 1000
Doctor : But this is Rs. 100 Note!
Engineer : Congrats .. you got back your eyesight .. give my fees Rs. 300.