Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

A man from Barnsley goes to the vet.
The Vet says, “I hear you’ve got a problem with your cat.”
“Aye,” the man replies.
“Is it a Tom?” asks the vet.
“No,” says the man, “I brought it wi me.”

Brilliant

The other day, I went to KFC. I didn’t know Kentucky had a football club.

I often confuse Americans and Canadians.

By using long words.

I did not get it. What is meant by "confuse", "American" and "Canadian"? Could you please use less long words? (Now my head is all discombobulated.)

Forgotitagain wrote in post #18256955
I did not get it. What is meant by "confuse", "American" and "Canadian"? Could you please use less long words? (Now my head is all discombobulated.)

You mean 'fewer'

Or "shorter".

Me know not what "fewer" or "shorter" means. Limit syllable to one---(Doh!) Nice men use short words, or Hulk smash!

'Limit' and 'syllable' both have more than one syllable!

Aussie humor..Shelia walks into the kitchen to find Bruce with a fly swat in his hand.
She asks if he has managed to kill any?
He replies yes 3 males 2 females
Intrigued she asks how he knows the sex
He replies 3 were on the beer can 2 were on the phone.

A couple more..
Australians don't have sex..they mate

How do you know who loves you more your wife or your dog? Test..put them both in the trunck of your car for a couple of hours while you watch the footy and have a few beers..then open it and see which one is pleased to see you!

JPoll56 wrote in post #18257270
A couple more..
Australians don't have sex..they mate

... but then, they mate not

john crossley wrote in post #18256654
I often confuse Americans and Canadians.

By using long words.

Forgotitagain wrote in post #18256955
I did not get it. What is meant by "confuse", "American" and "Canadian"? Could you please use less long words? (Now my head is all discombobulated.)

quod erat demonstrandum

A Brummie walks into a tailors and says: “Alroit, mate. I’d like a 70s suit, please.”
The tailor says: “Certainly sir, and would you like a kipper tie?”
Brummie says: “Thanks mate, two sugars.”

Since kipper was mentioned...

Paddy and Murphy go for a day of fishing, but when they get to the bridge they realize they have forgotten their equipment.
So Murphy comes up with an idea. “Paddy you hold me by the ankles over the bridge and when I see a fish I’ll grab it” so Paddy hangs him over the side.
All of a sudden Murphy shouts “Paddy, pull me up quick”
Paddy asks “Why Murphy, have you caught a fish?”
“No Paddy” Murphy replies “there’s a train coming”