Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

What’s the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?
One’s an animal and the other’s a Geordie stuck in a lift.

john crossley wrote in post #18258418
What’s the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?
One’s an animal and the other’s a Geordie stuck in a lift.

It always kills the mood when you have to enquire, and I've got most of the other gags on this theme, but I have to ask - "can't get out?"

dodgyexposure wrote in post #18258979
It always kills the mood when you have to enquire, and I've got most of the other gags on this theme, but I have to ask - "can't get out?"

Exactly, your genes must originate in the north east of England to have understood that one!

In A&E with my son at the moment waiting for his test results after he swallowed a load of Lego, I'm alright but he's sh*tting bricks.

Sean and Seamus found a pen.

Sean asked Seamus 'Is it yours?'

Seamus wrote a few words with it.

'Aye,' he said. 'It's mine.'

'How do you know?' asked Sean.

'That's my handwriting,' said Seamus.

What do you call a man with no shins? Tony.

American beer is like making love in a canoe – f**king close to water.

Don't take the p*ss out of American beer - there's nothing left if you do!

Vincent van Gogh is in a bar and his mate walks in. He spots him and shouts over: “D’ya wanna a beer?”
Van Gogh replies: “No ta, I’ve got one ‘ere.”

Ian Mackie wrote in post #18259319
Exactly, your genes must originate in the north east of England to have understood that one!

Yep. That one whizzed right by me.

Mamma Mia: a Yorkshire kid telling his mum he's got home.

Wrigleys have launched a new website where you can order chewing gum online. It's called ebuygum.com!

First Brummie: “Have you seen The Voice?”
Second Brummie: “Of course, it’s on the bench in me shed next to me woodworking tools.”

If herbicide is used to kill weeds and insecticide is used to kill insects, does that mean countryside can be used to kill Piers Morgan?

john crossley wrote in post #18265871
If herbicide is used to kill weeds and insecticide is used to kill insects, does that mean countryside can be used to kill Piers Morgan?

Dare you to tweet that one to @piersmorgan lol

A Yorkshireman's wife sadly passes away. He decides to have the words 'She Were Thine' engraved on her headstone.
He calls the mason, explains what he wants, then goes to see the stone a few days later. He takes one look and to his horror, finds the mason has engraved 'She Were Thin'.
He yells: "The blummin' 'e' is missing! Where's the 'e'? Tha's left the blummin' 'e' out lad!"
The mason apologises profusely, and assures the widower it'll be right on the day.
The day of the funeral comes. The mourners leave the church and head out to the graveyard. There, standing proud, in the glow of the winter sun, is the pristine headstone. Upon it inscribed: "Eeh, She Were Thin."