Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

I love the word dial, it's so laid back.

I went swimming the other day and got shouted at for peeing in the pool.
In fact, they shouted so loud I nearly fell in.

john crossley wrote in post #18268520
I went swimming the other day and got shouted at for peeing in the pool.
In fact, they shouted so loud I nearly fell in.

Do it by the ladder so you have something to hold on to, as the diving board is too unstable.

What time do cafes open in Barnsley? Summat to ayt!

Jane Fonda comes to Huddersfield to give an aerobics class for all the well-to-do ladies.
"OK ladies," she says, "let's start with a warm-up. Hands on thighs!"
And the ladies, in unison, put their hands over their eyes!

A Yorkshire lad was in the pub when a mate of his walked in.
His mate said, “I drank a whole bottle o’ whiskey yesterday.”
The lad said, “Wor it neat?”
His mate said, “No, it were during t’day.”

john crossley wrote in post #18271074
A Yorkshire lad was in the pub when a mate of his walked in.
His mate said, “I drank a whole bottle o’ whiskey yesterday.”
The lad said, “Wor it neat?”
His mate said, “No, it were during t’day.”

Through some convoluted process the "were" above reminded me of this oldie:
The WWI flying Ace was speaking to a class of children, "Vun mornink this fokker jumped me from the sun."
The class laughed.
Trying to save the situation, the teacher said, "Class, you should know that the Fokker is a type of airplane!"
The Ace replied, "Yah, yah, but this fokker were a Messerschmidt!"

PhotosGuy wrote in post #18271128
Through some convoluted process the "were" above reminded me of this oldie:
The WWI flying Ace was speaking to a class of children, "Vun mornink this fokker jumped me from the sun."
The class laughed.
Trying to save the situation, the teacher said, "Class, you should know that the Fokker is a type of airplane!"
The Ace replied, "Yah, yah, but this fokker were a Messerschmidt!"

Being that Willy Messerschmidt designed a glider in 1917 and was really just beginning his aircraft designing career, perhaps the punchline would be historically correct, and just as funny, if it read "The Ace replied, "Yah, yah, but this fokker were a Albatros!*"

*Euler, Pfalz, Junkers, Kondor, or a number of other Axis planes would also work here.

One of the mods today expressed dismay to learn that the M5 that I bought myself for Christmas, was a Canon, and not a BMW...
I'm guessing the beemer would be putting a larger aperture in my bank balance, plus be far more expensive to feed & water.

joeseph wrote in post #18271974
One of the mods today expressed dismay to learn that the M5 that I bought myself for Christmas, was a Canon, and not a BMW...
I'm guessing the beemer would be putting a larger aperture in my bank balance, plus be far more expensive to feed & water.

Yes, but so much more fun!

That said, both models would have been nice on my recent trip. A 5D3 starts to get heavy after a while.

I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer … came second.

Capn Jack wrote in post #18271711
Being that Willy Messerschmidt designed a glider in 1917 and was really just beginning his aircraft designing career, perhaps the punchline would be historically correct, and just as funny, if it read "The Ace replied, "Yah, yah, but this fokker were a Albatros!*"

*Euler, Pfalz, Junkers, Kondor, or a number of other Axis planes would also work here.

Talk about killing a joke!

When I woke up this morning ‘r lass was stood at the foot of the bed naked. She asked, “Which do you find must attractive my face or my body?”
I replied, “Your sense of humour.”

john crossley wrote in post #18273066
When I woke up this morning ‘r lass was stood at the foot of the bed naked. She asked, “Which do you find must attractive my face or my body?”
I replied, “Your sense of humour.”

Ouch. Don't try that at home...

Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away; or is this one of Granny's myths?