Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

not sure if posted but I just heard this recently and just came upon this thread :P

man goes to the bar to drink and makes out with a woman.

he comes home with scents of the woman's perfume on him and so he took a bottle of vodka and pours some on himself in hopes to remove the perfume scent.

wife comes and smells the man and says 'do you think by putting perfume on yourself I won't know that you've been drinking?'

[end]

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow, so naturally he’s curious about the sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up to his co-worker and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”

“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.

“Well, I’m curious,” begged the man, “how long have you been wearing an earring?”

“Ehr, ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

Clowns divorce. Custardy battle.

I like to keep my feet on terra firma: the more firmer the less terror.

Will.i.am has a cousin who lives in Yorkshire, he’s called Will.i.eckerslike.

Frank Skinner said this on 'Room 101' this week!

john crossley wrote in post #18277263
Will.i.am has a cousin who lives in Yorkshire, he’s called Will.i.eckerslike.

Roy Mathers wrote in post #18277264
Frank Skinner said this on 'Room 101' this week!

God this thread is getting worse and worse ..... worst thing is I'm smiling at John's contributions. Worthy of an episode of Last of the Summer Wine

Ian Mackie wrote in post #18277270
God this thread is getting worse and worse ..... worst thing is I'm smiling at John's contributions. ...

Oh great, that ought to encourage him to post more

john crossley wrote in post #18277263
Will.i.am has a cousin who lives in Yorkshire, he’s called Will.i.eckerslike.

This is the first one that I don't get at all. "Will he . . ." what?

It's a Yorkshire expression -'Will I heck as like' which, in American, would be 'The Hell I will!'

Thanks, Roy.

Two London businessmen were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Yorkshire lad walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Yorkshire accent asked "What's tha sellin' ere lad?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arse-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the Yorkshire lad said, "Tha's doing well then...Only two left!"

Bloke from Barnsley with a sore bum asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?”

A Yorkshire farmer see's an American tourist drinking from his stream and shouts "Ey up cock, tha dun wanna be drinkin watta frm theer, it's full o’ hoss p*ss, and cow sh*te."
The American tourist says “Speak a bit slower please I’m from America."
The farmer replies "If---You---Use---Two---Hands---You---Wont---Spill---Any."

On a beautiful summer’s day, two American tourists were driving through Wales. At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgo​gerychwyrndrobwyllllan​tysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch and one of the tourists asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very slowly?”
The girl leaned over and said: “Burrr… gurrr… King.”