Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

GibJock wrote in post #18777624
Merry Christmas, the Aussie Kiss thing ...... depends on who’s performing it I guess whether I’d like one or not

But then that's true of all kisses...

Good point!

A guy was telling his buddy about his new hearing aid. "This hearing aid is state of the art," he said. "I don't have to put the TV on blast mode any more and I can even hear a cricket in the front yard whilst I'm sitting on the porch. I can hear like a fox! It cost over $3,000 but was worth every penny!"

"Wow! What kind is it?"

(Looks at watch) "Three o'clock."

Hoof Arted wrote in post #18777765
A guy was telling his buddy about his new hearing aid. "This hearing aid is state of the art," he said. "I don't have to put the TV on blast mode any more and I can even hear a cricket in the front yard whilst I'm sitting on the porch. I can hear like a fox! It cost over $3,000 but was worth every penny!"

"Wow! What kind is it?"

(Looks at watch) "Three o'clock."

I remember this conversation, only the price keeps going up on the retelling. I paid $1900.

GibJock wrote in post #18777624
Merry Christmas, the Aussie Kiss thing ...... depends on who’s performing it I guess whether I’d like one or not

Don't ask me to give you a kiss mate.

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob 's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first, the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob ?"

"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob ..

"But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

I once saw a movie about how ships are put together. It was riveting.

A teacher asked the class this question: "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York, Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia, and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?"

One student immediately raised his hand and said "You are 44."

The teacher said "You're absolutely correct, but how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"

The student said. "Well, I have a brother who's 22 and he's only half nuts."

icopus wrote in post #18777796
I remember this conversation only the price keeps going up on the retelling. I paid $1900.

Same here. I think I keep jacking the price to make sure it still sounds ridiculous

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Willie saw some dynamite,
Couldn't understand it quite;
Curiosity never pays:
It rained Willie seven days.

Willie coming home from school,
Spied a dollar near a mule.
Stooped to get it, quiet as a mouse.
Funeral tomorrow at Willie's house.

When do cannibals leave the dinner table?


When everyone's eaten.

A shrink got a sign writer to write on his door and he did:

| PSYCHO |
| THE |
| RAPIST |

Joe, but it's one word!

Caution: There’s a new computer virus called NYSRS* that will cause millions of infections.

Good News: It’s usually gone without making any discernible system differences.

* 2019NewYearSResolution​S

Happy New Year

Blame Mark Parisi for the joke idea.

It's a bright new year at our house.
The possibilities: endless.
The funds: insufficient.