Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

Wouldn't Gonorrhea have been a great name for a diarrhea medicine?

As I get older and think about all the people I've lost along the way I can finally agree working as a tour guide just wasn't right for me.

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire? " had reached the final
Plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 Milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.
It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.
The woman hoped she would not have to use it because her friend was, well ...blonde.
She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. Considering that her friend was a blonde, which would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could
Not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said Regis.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes, that is my final answer."

Two minutes later, Regis said, "That answer is absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire! "
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"


"Oh, come on," said the blonde.. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks

A year ago this week I returned home after having back surgery. I vaguely remembered going to sleep in one room and groggily waking up in a different room, totally disoriented, with cotton mouth, no pants on and surrounded by a bunch of people I didn't recognize. Reminded me a lot of college. True story.

In The News: Scientists have grown human vocal cords in a petri dish. They say the results speak for themselves.

Hoof Arted wrote in post #18794497
I vaguely remembered going to sleep in one room and groggily waking up in a different room, totally disoriented, with cotton mouth, no pants on and surrounded by a bunch of people I didn't recognize.

Sounds like an American Pie script

The AAA recommends that anyone traveling in freezing and icy conditions take a shovel, blanket, sleeping bag, extra clothing, scarf, hat, gloves, tow rope, rock salt, flashlight, jumper cables, and a 24 hour supply of food and drink with them. I felt like an idiot as I got on the city bus this morning.

Flash mob.
My place.
Today.
6 pm.
Bring snow shovels.

I met an athlete near the Olympic Park.
I asked "Are you a Pole Vaulter?"

He said "No, I'm German...
...and how do you know my name?"

On my drive to work I notice a guy standing in an empty field with a camera hanging from his neck. On my way home he's still there, just standing with his camera. The next day it's the same thing all over again. This went on for a few days, until I finally stopped to talk to him. I ask why he stands in the field every day with his camera. He told me he wants to be a photographer who is outstanding in his field.

Groan!!!

Perfectly Frank wrote in post #18795761
On my drive to work I notice a guy standing in an empty field with a camera hanging from his neck. On my way home he's still there, just standing with his camera. The next day it's the same thing all over again. This went on for a few days, until I finally stopped to talk to him. I ask why he stands in the field every day with his camera. He told me he wants to be a photographer who is outstanding in his field.

TOTALLY unrelated to photography?

Did you hear the one ablout the dislexic pimp who bought a warehouse?

When I was a kid my parents had to pay my brothers and sisters to be good.
But I was good for nothing.

And all these years later I'm still good for nothing.

OK, a bloke walks into a pub with a huge great water lizard under his arm. After plonking it on the bar he ordered a pint for himself and a 1/2 for his lizard Tiny. They supped their beer and soon anothe for him and Tiny

After several, or so, pints the barman said "alright, it's quite unusual for anyone to walk in here with a bl00dy great lizard and sit and sup beer, but I can see it likes it as much as you do. But the thing is HUGE, so why on Earth do you call it Tiny?

That's easy said the bloke

you ready for this?

You sure you're ready??

well, if you're really really ready.

I call him Tiny because he's my nute..