Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

If your nose runs and your feet smell, then you're built upside down.

I got a call from the police station.
I don't remember applying for a job

avondale87 wrote in post #18801915
I got a call from the police station.
I don't remember applying for a job

Hehe
They (the police) should stick to their job and dont try to enter the portrait business. They send me one and asked 1200kr aprox 200£/$ for it. it was poor quality, bad paper and lousy composition with me sitting in my car. I didnt even want my portrait taken so I declined but they keep insisting I pay for it.

soeren wrote in post #18801856
https://www.youtube.co​m/watch?v=ujuGKvMSeWA

I don't know either

Dinomite wrote in post #18801558
My son comes home and says
"Daddy, do you know why the birdie went to the doctors?"
I said "No, why?"
Son says "To get a TWEETMENT!"

Oh noooooo...

My husband's not much fun anymore. He's reached the age when "nightlife" means getting up to go to the bathroom.

I was drinking coffee in my slippers this morning when I thought to myself ...
I really should wash some mugs!

backn4th wrote in post #18802113
I was drinking coffee in my slippers this morning when I thought to myself ...
I really should wash some mugs!

Good grief !! You'll never make an Aussie F1 driver

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes
She hugged me

The Five Stages of buying petrol (gasoline)
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depresssion
- Acceptance

My wife tripped and hurt her foot yesterday. Seems this month will not be that expensive

To the person who stole my anti-depressants
I hope you're happy now

A teenager takes a seat on a bench next to a middle-aged man reading a newspaper. After a few minutes, the man looks over and stares intently at the youth's multicolored mohawk.

The teenager looks over at the man and says "What's the matter old man, never done anything interesting in your life?"

The man responded with "I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot, I was just wondering if you were my son."

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night
Seems I should have been using Aloha setting

I own the world's worst thesaurus. It's not just awful, it's awful.