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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
jeffreybehr
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Post edited 3 months ago by jeffreybehr.
     
Sep 03, 2019 03:32 |  #8701

soeren wrote in post #18909986 (external link)
Arh memories
I still remember my fathers last words before he died
"STOP SHAKING THE LADDER YOU TWAT"

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you very much. It's the first tonite that got me LMAO.
:-)
;-)a
:-P
:lol:
:-D


Sony a7R4, Zeiss Batises in 18/2.8, 40/2, and 85/1.8, Metabones-5 adapter for Canon TS-E 50 (gen.3) and small, lite, humble, old, excellent EF 70-200/F4/L/USM/non-IS.. Walkabout lens Sony 24-105/4..

  
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Jonzjob
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Sep 03, 2019 09:31 |  #8702

Pippan wrote in post #18920959 (external link)
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well dressed man on a tricycle?

A tyre.

Would that tyre be in-a-tube perchance :rolleyes:


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
John.

  
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Levina ­ de ­ Ruijter
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Post edited 3 months ago by Levina de Ruijter.
     
Sep 03, 2019 11:04 |  #8703

A man comes home from work and as soon as his wife sees him she hits him on the head with a frying pan. As he comes to he asks: "What the hell did you do that for?" She replies: "I brought your suit to the cleaners. I emptied your pockets and there was a note. It said 'Christine' with a phone number. You bastard". But the man says: "No baby, that is the name of a very promising horse. I was going to bet on it. The phone number is from a bookmaker."
So she is very sorry and they kiss and make up.

Three days later the man comes home and is once again greeted by his wife, hitting him with the frying pan. Hard. As he sits on the floor, rubbing the bump on his head, he asks "Again?! What is wrong with you, why did you do that?" And she replies: the horse called.


Levina (not Lavina, Lavinia, Levinia, Ludwina and what not, mkay?)
My flickr (external link)

  
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Pippan
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Sep 03, 2019 20:21 |  #8704

Two windmills were chatting in a field. One asked the other, "What type of music do you like?" The other said, "Well, I'm a big metal fan."


— Please feel free to offer your thoughts on how I might improve my images —

  
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john ­ crossley
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Sep 07, 2019 13:16 |  #8705

The Ashes is a Test cricket series played between England and Steve Smith.


It never ceases to amaze me how dense intelligent people are.
I’ve had more intelligent conversations with lobotomised amoebas.
-. --- - .--- ..- ... - .- -. --- - .... . .-. -.. .- -.-- --..-- .- -. --- - .... . .-. -.. .- -.-- - --- . -..- -.-. . .-..

  
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pbigelow
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Sep 08, 2019 08:55 |  #8706

Wish I could think so quickly. . . .

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"

He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.




  
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Hoof ­ Arted
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Sep 08, 2019 14:36 |  #8707

I was worried when I read the news about nude photos being hacked and spread across the internet, so I checked my own file to make sure mine haven't been tampered with. Thankfully, there's no evidence that anyone has even looked at them.

Obviously, there are still some benefits to keeping Polaroids in a shoe box under the bed.




  
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Hoof ­ Arted
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Sep 08, 2019 14:37 |  #8708

A guy took his date out on the lake in a rowboat. She was sitting back at the stern and he was rowing in the middle. At one point he said "I love you."

She said "Pardon?"

"I said 'I love you.'"

"I still didn't hear what you said."

He removed an oar from the lock, moved back to the stern and resumed steering the boat from there. He looked into her eyes and calmly said "I love you."

She said "I love you too, but why did you move back here and start sculling when you were doing so much better rowing where you were?"

And he replied " I just sculled... to say... I love you."




  
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john ­ crossley
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Sep 08, 2019 15:54 |  #8709

I'm always confusing Americans and Canadians; by using long words.


It never ceases to amaze me how dense intelligent people are.
I’ve had more intelligent conversations with lobotomised amoebas.
-. --- - .--- ..- ... - .- -. --- - .... . .-. -.. .- -.-- --..-- .- -. --- - .... . .-. -.. .- -.-- - --- . -..- -.-. . .-..

  
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kiwichris
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Sep 08, 2019 19:36 |  #8710

john crossley wrote in post #18923688 (external link)
I'm always confusing Americans and Canadians; by using long words.

Ooph...


Panasonic Lumix G9 and lenses from 7mm wide to 300mm long.
http://www.flickr.com/​photos/chriswaynzpics/ (external link)

  
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Jonzjob
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Sep 09, 2019 12:39 |  #8711

Hoof Arted wrote in post #18923645 (external link)
A guy took his date out on the lake in a rowboat. She was sitting back at the stern and he was rowing in the middle. At one point he said "I love you."

She said "Pardon?"

"I said 'I love you.'"

"I still didn't hear what you said."

He removed an oar from the lock, moved back to the stern and resumed steering the boat from there. He looked into her eyes and calmly said "I love you."

She said "I love you too, but why did you move back here and start sculling when you were doing so much better rowing where you were?"

And he replied " I just sculled... to say... I love you."

ooaarr, that's really nice, just as long as he didn't catch any crabs :rolleyes:


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
John.

  
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Jonzjob
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Sep 09, 2019 12:42 |  #8712

john crossley wrote in post #18923688 (external link)
I'm always confusing Americans and Canadians; by using long words.

John, your signature? I know of twice when they didn't win and there were a LOT more than 22 involved :evil::evil: Although it was nowt to do with football at times :rolleyes:


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
John.

  
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kiwichris
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Sep 10, 2019 02:29 |  #8713

A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: “Husband wanted!

Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person.” The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

“You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you?” the widow asked: “Just look at you — you have no legs!”
The old gent smiled: “Therefore, I cannot run around on you!”
“You don’t have any arms either!” she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled: “Therefore, I can never beat you!”
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: “Are you still good in bed?”
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”


Panasonic Lumix G9 and lenses from 7mm wide to 300mm long.
http://www.flickr.com/​photos/chriswaynzpics/ (external link)

  
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kiwichris
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Post edited 3 months ago by kiwichris.
     
Sep 12, 2019 05:05 |  #8714

A 70 yr old man asked his wife, "Do you feel angry when I run after young women?"
She answered, "Not at all, even dogs chase cars they can't drive!"


Panasonic Lumix G9 and lenses from 7mm wide to 300mm long.
http://www.flickr.com/​photos/chriswaynzpics/ (external link)

  
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NixEre
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Post edited 3 months ago by NixEre.
     
Sep 12, 2019 05:08 as a reply to  @ kiwichris's post |  #8715

.... The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”


Nothing like a good Knock Knock joke ...

:rolleyes:


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Nic
One day I'll take the photo I thought I had taken ...

  
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)
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