Approve the Cookies
This website uses cookies to improve your user experience. By using this site, you agree to our use of cookies and our Privacy Policy.
OK
Index  •   • New posts  •   • RTAT  •   • 'Best of'  •   • Gallery  •   • Gear  •   • Reviews
Guest
New posts  •   • RTAT  •   • 'Best of'  •   • Gallery  •   • Gear  •   • Reviews
Register to forums    Log in

 
FORUMS Community Talk, Chatter & Official Stuff The Lounge 
Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
Search threadPrev/next
sponsored links
(this ad will go away when you log in as a registered member)

Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
NixEre
Goldmember
Avatar
1,358 posts
Gallery: 235 photos
Likes: 609
Joined Oct 2013
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Post edited 1 month ago by NixEre.
     
Apr 02, 2020 10:44 |  #9136

okay okay


Two deaf brothers from the same household on the underground - socially distant - on a vitally necessary trip of some sort

Andrew: Is this Wembley?
Bob: No, it’s Thursday
Andrew: Me too, let’s go and get a beer... just had a delivery of essentials

:rolleyes:


___
Nic
One day I'll take the photo I thought I had taken ...

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
sponsored links
(this ad will go away when you log in as a registered member)
soeren
"only intermitent functional"
894 posts
Gallery: 1 photo
Likes: 484
Joined Nov 2017
Post edited 1 month ago by soeren.
     
Apr 02, 2020 10:48 |  #9137

An amendment to the thread title. " No Bullying"


If history has proven anything. it's that evolution always wins!!

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
OhLook
insufferably pedantic. I can live with that.
Avatar
19,651 posts
Gallery: 74 photos
Best ofs: 2
Likes: 7621
Joined Dec 2012
Location: California: SF Bay Area
     
Apr 02, 2020 12:20 |  #9138

NixEre wrote in post #19038843 (external link)
okay okay

Two deaf brothers from the same household . . . :rolleyes:

There's no reason three men couldn't come from the same household. Brothers, roommates, whatever. :rolleyes::rolleyes:


PRONOUN ADVISORY: OhLook is a she. | A FEW CORRECT SPELLINGS: lens, aperture, amateur, hobbyist, per se, raccoon, whoa, more so (2 wds.), shoo-in | Comments welcome

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
icopus
"the creep following them around taking pictures"
Avatar
2,946 posts
Gallery: 10 photos
Likes: 954
Joined Dec 2010
Location: In the shadows of Houston
Post edited 1 month ago by icopus.
     
Apr 02, 2020 20:55 |  #9139

They took away smoking in bars.

Now you can't even drink in one.

(They are shut down in the US)


It's my life and I'll get pissed if I want to.
"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." - E.R. Murrow

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
Firemike
" lingering odor "
Avatar
3,370 posts
Gallery: 2 photos
Likes: 248
Joined Oct 2011
Location: Metro Detroit, Michigan USA
     
Apr 04, 2020 14:33 |  #9140

HUSBAND AND WIFE'S DIARY FOR THE SAME DAY:

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:

Tractor wouldn't start, can't figure out why


Michael
Gear List

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
Jonzjob
Senior Member
Avatar
777 posts
Gallery: 132 photos
Likes: 1892
Joined Apr 2012
Location: Ex Nr Carcassonne S France. Now NW Wiltshire, Blighty
     
Apr 04, 2020 14:51 |  #9141

I can understand his attitude. After all there are priorities :-P


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
John.

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
WorkingClassHero
Senior Member
Avatar
713 posts
Likes: 70
Joined Jan 2007
Location: ɹǝpun uʍop
     
Apr 05, 2020 17:22 |  #9142

A couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the baby's father.

He asked if they were interested. Both said they were very much in favour of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labour progressed the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all the pain to him.

The wife subsequently delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain and the husband continued to experience no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found the postman dead on the porch


ALAN
Gear List

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
Tronhard
Senior Member
Avatar
429 posts
Gallery: 168 photos
Likes: 1124
Joined Jan 2020
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Post edited 1 month ago by Tronhard.
     
Apr 05, 2020 21:15 |  #9143

A man went to the doctor feeling miserable, displaying Covid-19 symptoms after blatantly breaking the lock-down and denying there was a risk. After testing the doctor called him and told him he had the disease. Defiantly he demanded a second opinion.

"Certainly" said the doctor, "not only are you sick with the virus, but in my opinion you're ignorant and arrogant as well".


"All the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow", Leo Tolstoy;
"Skill in photography is acquired by practice and not by purchase" Percy W. Harris
We aren't remembered for the gear we use, rather the quality of the images we create. Me...
Trevor

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
joeseph
"smells like turd"
Avatar
10,546 posts
Gallery: 164 photos
Likes: 2981
Joined Jan 2004
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
     
Apr 06, 2020 04:00 |  #9144

Tronhard wrote in post #19041264 (external link)
A man went to the doctor feeling miserable, displaying Covid-19 symptoms after blatantly breaking the lock-down and denying there was a risk. After testing the doctor called him and told him he had the disease. Defiantly he demanded a second opinion.

"Certainly" said the doctor, "not only are you sick with the virus, but in my opinion you're ignorant and arrogant as well".

Raymond Gary Coombs... not laughing so much today it seems.


some fairly old canon camera stuff, canon lenses, Manfrotto "thingy", 1D MK II (broken), and an M5, along with a M6 destined for 720nm
TF posting: here :-)

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
Pippan
Goldmember
Avatar
2,515 posts
Gallery: 267 photos
Likes: 4624
Joined Oct 2015
Location: Darwin, Straya
Post edited 1 month ago by Pippan. (6 edits in all)
     
Apr 07, 2020 07:09 |  #9145

We all have Schrödinger's virus now.

Because those of us without symptoms are not being tested, we don't know whether we have the virus or not.

We have to act as if we have the virus so we don't spread it to others.

We have to act as if we have never had the virus because if we haven't had it, we are not immune.

Therefore, we both have and don't have the virus, simultaneously. Thus Schrödinger's Virus.


No expectations,
no disappointments.

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
Tronhard
Senior Member
Avatar
429 posts
Gallery: 168 photos
Likes: 1124
Joined Jan 2020
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
     
Apr 07, 2020 18:01 |  #9146

A friend said that going to the supermarket where he lived was a matter of hoping to find stock on the shelves of the things she needed. It reminded her of life during the dark days of the Soviet Union. This triggered a synapse of a Russian joke about those days...

A man moves into a new apartment block and finds that there are major electrical and plumbing issues. He calls the management number and is put through to someone about his electrical issues, and then, after a long wait is transferred to plumbing authority. He explains his issues, emphasizing the urgent nature of the faults. The operator advises that due to heavy demand the plumber will not get there for two years two months and gives him the precise date.
He asks,"will that be the morning or the afternoon?"
The operator "What does it matter, it's two years away?"
Caller " Well, I have the electrician coming in the morning."


"All the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow", Leo Tolstoy;
"Skill in photography is acquired by practice and not by purchase" Percy W. Harris
We aren't remembered for the gear we use, rather the quality of the images we create. Me...
Trevor

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
Jonzjob
Senior Member
Avatar
777 posts
Gallery: 132 photos
Likes: 1892
Joined Apr 2012
Location: Ex Nr Carcassonne S France. Now NW Wiltshire, Blighty
     
Apr 08, 2020 05:28 |  #9147

That made me giggle then and it has just repeated on me and I like to giggle :-P


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
John.

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
Jonzjob
Senior Member
Avatar
777 posts
Gallery: 132 photos
Likes: 1892
Joined Apr 2012
Location: Ex Nr Carcassonne S France. Now NW Wiltshire, Blighty
     
Apr 08, 2020 05:32 |  #9148

Alternate meanings.

Pubescent - an intimate deodorant

Punish - similar to a pun

Reincarnation - born again as a tin of condensed milk

Infrequently - 5 times a night

Indefinitely - can't really think of one for that? :rolleyes:

Onomatopoeia - first sign of a weak bladder

Mishmash - unable to attend church owing to drunkenness

Crème brûlée - the crematorium's on fire

Defective - a policeman with a speech impediment

Lockjaw - the approved medical procedure for disabling Donald Trump


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
John.

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
OhLook
insufferably pedantic. I can live with that.
Avatar
19,651 posts
Gallery: 74 photos
Best ofs: 2
Likes: 7621
Joined Dec 2012
Location: California: SF Bay Area
     
Apr 08, 2020 08:51 |  #9149

Jonzjob wrote in post #19042645 (external link)
Indefinitely - can't really think of one for that? :rolleyes:

At home for sure. Example: many people's current situation.


PRONOUN ADVISORY: OhLook is a she. | A FEW CORRECT SPELLINGS: lens, aperture, amateur, hobbyist, per se, raccoon, whoa, more so (2 wds.), shoo-in | Comments welcome

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
Tronhard
Senior Member
Avatar
429 posts
Gallery: 168 photos
Likes: 1124
Joined Jan 2020
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Post edited 1 month ago by Tronhard. (9 edits in all)
     
Apr 08, 2020 15:30 |  #9150

Unsuccessful plays from which re-jigged spin-offs became famous, box-office cinema hits:

The horror story of ancient pigs, reconstituted through flawed DNA. The huge voracious animals then run amok in their theme park, killing innocent (and not so innocent) people and threatening to break out to create mass mayhem. The world is saved by a bunch of disparate visitors including a specialist in tidiness, a pig breeder and a vacationing team from the British SAS
: Jurassic Pork

The story starts off as a bullied tiddler fish struggles to find its way until it meets a wise old fish, which imparts its discipline and knowledge to it. The tiddler grows in strength, skill and maturity under the old fish's tutelage. It leads to a show-down with the bully fish, and in an epic struggle our hero finds that a special tail flick wins the day.: The Karate Cod.

The story of a highly successful Italian referee in major league boxing. He gets to manage the top matches for Italy, then Europe, and finally the big leagues of world boxing. Russian Mafia see a weakness in his character - he has always been attracted to a pretty girl. So they plot for him to be seduced and blackmailed via a honey-trap to change the result of a world title fight. With incriminating videos of his wild sexual exploits that threaten his reputation and relationship with the love of his life, he agrees to fix a major championship bout to make the underdog (supported by the Mafia) win. While richly rewarded, he loses the love of the woman he adores when she discovers both his infidelity and his lack of integrity. With his life in tatters he threatens to blow the story, but the Mafia send a hit man and he is beaten to death.: The Rise and Fall of the Roman Umpire

The story of an Irish entrepreneur Mac, who starts working at a highly successful company offering personal transport as a service: Scoot Land. He helps the owner eliminate or buy out competitors until Scoot Land is the dominant business. Extremely superstitious, he goes to a fortune teller who tells him he will rise to greatness and take over the business. This is great news for his ambitious, scheming wife Beth, who persuades him to undermine and topple his boss in a traumatic take-over that leads to his employer's death. Their unbridled ambition leads them to more crime and many more causalities. It all comes unstuck when this comes to the attention of the government business corruption agency investigating malpractice in commerce: MalComm which investigate his operation and do a major audit of the new company, leading to the pair's ruin. In mad despair he dies in a gunfight with the police and his wife commits suicide. "Mac & Beth


"All the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow", Leo Tolstoy;
"Skill in photography is acquired by practice and not by purchase" Percy W. Harris
We aren't remembered for the gear we use, rather the quality of the images we create. Me...
Trevor

  
  LOG IN TO REPLY
sponsored links
(this ad will go away when you log in as a registered member)

2,388,441 views & 3,485 likes for this thread
Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)
FORUMS Community Talk, Chatter & Official Stuff The Lounge 
AAA
x 1600
y 1600

Jump to forum...   •  Rules   •  Index   •  New posts   •  RTAT   •  'Best of'   •  Gallery   •  Gear   •  Reviews   •  Member list   •  Polls   •  Image rules   •  Search   •  Password reset

Not a member yet?
Register to forums
Registered members may log in to forums and access all the features: full search, image upload, follow forums, own gear list and ratings, likes, more forums, private messaging, thread follow, notifications, own gallery, all settings, view hosted photos, own reviews, see more and do more... and all is free. Don't be a stranger - register now and start posting!


COOKIES DISCLAIMER: This website uses cookies to improve your user experience. By using this site, you agree to our use of cookies and to our privacy policy.
Privacy policy and cookie usage info.


POWERED BY AMASS forum software 2.1forum software
version 2.1 /
code and design
by Pekka Saarinen ©
for photography-on-the.net

Latest registered member is Brandonjza80
1225 guests, 350 members online
Simultaneous users record so far is 15144, that happened on Nov 22, 2018

Photography-on-the.net Digital Photography Forums is the website for photographers and all who love great photos, camera and post processing techniques, gear talk, discussion and sharing. Professionals, hobbyists, newbies and those who don't even own a camera -- all are welcome regardless of skill, favourite brand, gear, gender or age. Registering and usage is free.