Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

There was the question of why did the butterfly flutter by

And it was because it saw the dragon fly drink the flagon dry.

But that was an entirely different story init already my boy.

What's the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl?

One shoots and shoots and can't hit.
The other hoots and hoots and can't S**t

Back in the last century, three ICT guys were at a bar discussing how bionic technology was improving their lives...

The first one said proudly: "I have a phone built into my fingers, I have a receiver in my little finger and a micro speaker in my thumb, so I don't need a phone any more!"

The second one said " I can do better than that, I have all that implanted in my ear already. I have the microphone in my earlobe and the speaker is in my inner ear already. I just have to press my ear to take or make a call".

Suddenly the third one groaned, dropped his trousers and bent over the table. "What's the matter with you?" they asked.
He replied "I have a fax coming through"

The inventor of the throat lozenge has died.

There will be no coffin at the funeral.

That's sad, but as they say

It ain't the cough that carries you off
It's the coffin they cary you off in, imit

That is very sad and no laughing matter.

Our favourite baker just died.

The announcement read “No flours at the funeral please.”

Jonzjob wrote in post #19060592
That's sad, but as they say

It ain't the cough that carries you off
It's the coffin they cary you off in, imit

kiwichris wrote in post #19060590
The inventor of the throat lozenge has died.

There will be no coffin at the funeral.

Local band here called Coffin Fitz. Clever name.

It was a quite period while two street walkers were waiting for customers.

One was a veteran but the other was very new and asked for advice:
"It's tax time and I have to declare my occupation, but I don't want to put down street walker. What do you put down?"

The other smiled and said " I say I am the engineering business. Demolition of temporary erections!"

How do you gender ants?

First, catch ant and place it in water. If it sinks, it is a girl ant.

If it floats, it is buoyant.

Then all of the ants that used to get in the sugar when I was stationed in Singapore!

Because we used to chuck the sugar in the tea and they all floated to the top. It was the only way to get the little sods out

I hadn't realised that was the reason Ta for letting me know

^^^

Those weren't ants, those were patented flavour enhancers, they put more body in your drink

Jonzjob wrote in post #19061206
Then all of the ants that used to get in the sugar when I was stationed in Singapore!

Because we used to chuck the sugar in the tea and they all floated to the top. It was the only way to get the little sods out

I hadn't realised that was the reason Ta for letting me know

How did you get the girl ants out?

We didn't 'cause there weren't any.

They were Benidictants

Better than expectorants I suppose

Try swallowing some disinfected ants ...