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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
Jonzjob
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Jan 15, 2021 14:41 |  #9796

A man walked into a doctors. Obviously very disturbed and upset!

He told the doc that he was at his wits end and that he was so afraid because he had Hermes!!!:eek:

The doctor sat him down and tried to relax him and told him that he had got the name wrong and that possibly he may have herpes and it wasn't a big problem.

The bloke burst out again saying that he was mistaken and that he definitely had Hermes.

Once again the doc tried to calm him and once again the bloke broke down and tried to explain that he was wrong.

The doc once again tried to convince him and finally asked why the bloke was so sure?

The bloke told the doc that he was sure he had Hermes because he was a carrier.


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
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Pippan
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Jan 15, 2021 20:59 |  #9797

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.


Be the person your dog thinks you are.

  
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avondale87
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Post edited 1 month ago by avondale87.
     
Jan 16, 2021 01:29 as a reply to  @ Pippan's post |  #9798

Well you probably Leap ed right into that one Pippan  :p
Probably picked the wrong month to have it off :-P



Richard

  
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Jonzjob
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Jan 16, 2021 04:29 |  #9799

Oy you! Don't start knockin Leap years !! I got married on the 29th 1996 and it's our 6 1/4 this year 8-)8-):eek:


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
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avondale87
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Jan 16, 2021 05:18 as a reply to  @ Jonzjob's post |  #9800

you've done well
what did you do with the intermediate years?  :p

I avoid them as much as I can, but after 3years I relent and let one sneak in :rolleyes:



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Jonzjob
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Jan 16, 2021 12:51 |  #9801

So as we don't miss the day we celebrate the 28th and the 1st 8-)

I may be mad, but I try not to be stupid :mrgreen:


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
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Capn ­ Jack
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Jan 16, 2021 13:42 |  #9802

There are more Catholic churches in Las Vegas than Casinos!

Not surprisingly, a not insignificant portion of each Sunday's collection comes in the form of casino chips from the various gambling establishments around town. In order to facilitate their collection and redemption for cash the various churches have enlisted the services of a Franciscan Monastery which each Sunday sends members of the order around collecting the chips from the various churches. During the week they sort the chips, cash them in at the various casinos and then redistribute the appropriate money to the various churches. Saves a lot of work for the individual parishes, the Franciscans take a little skim and everyone is happy.


The Franciscans doing this work are known as chip monks.




  
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Jonzjob
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Jan 16, 2021 14:37 |  #9803

GROAN -?-?-?:rolleyes:

You will be telling the one about the elephants next Jack? :-(


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
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pbigelow
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Jan 16, 2021 15:02 |  #9804

Jersey, Guernsey, Black Angus, Texas Longhorn, Herefords, Holsteins.
Maybe this is just the cattle list we need to get things going.




  
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avondale87
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Jan 16, 2021 15:10 |  #9805

Is there money in them there cattle?

So I've herd!



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avondale87
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Jan 16, 2021 15:12 |  #9806

I was Friesian, so I bought a Jersey



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avondale87
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Jan 16, 2021 15:14 |  #9807

Some bloke pulled my teats
How dairy



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Capn ­ Jack
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Jan 16, 2021 15:36 |  #9808

Jonzjob wrote in post #19182227 (external link)
GROAN -?-?-?:rolleyes:

You will be telling the one about the elephants next Jack? :-(

You mean this? If not, please tell us which one :evil:

Q: How many elephants will fit into a Mini?
A: Four: Two in the front, two in the back.
Q: How can you fit five elephants into a Mini?
A: Don't be silly; there isn't room for five elephants in a Mini.
Q: Well, can you fit five elephants into a Volkswagen Beetle?
A: Sure: Two in front, two in the back, one in the glove box, and pack the trunks in the boot (British English for "trunk").
Q: How many giraffes will fit into a Mini?
A: None. It's full of elephants.
Q: How do you get two whales in a Mini?
A: Along the M4 and across the Severn Bridge.[a]
Q: How do you know there is an elephant in your refrigerator?
A: There are footprints in the butter.
Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your refrigerator?
A: You can hear giggling when you close the door.
Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your refrigerator?
A: You can't close the door.
Q: How do you know there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
A: There's an empty Mini parked outside.




  
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Jonzjob
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Jan 16, 2021 17:08 |  #9809

avondale87 wrote in post #19182250 (external link)
Some bloke pulled my teats
How dairy

What a load of bull :rolleyes:

I had some yogurt earlier. That's what the milk maid. Now she's creaming it in, but as they say here in Gloucestershire "It made I scream, but I'll do butter next tyme boy".

I called one of my girlfriends Spanners, 'cause she tightened my nuts :-P


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
John.

  
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Jonzjob
in the land of Donald Duck
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Location: Ex Nr Carcassonne S France. Now NW Wiltshire, Blighty
     
Jan 16, 2021 17:09 |  #9810

Capn Jack wrote in post #19182259 (external link)
You mean this? If not, please tell us which one :evil:

Q: How many elephants will fit into a Mini?
A: Four: Two in the front, two in the back.
Q: How can you fit five elephants into a Mini?
A: Don't be silly; there isn't room for five elephants in a Mini.
Q: Well, can you fit five elephants into a Volkswagen Beetle?
A: Sure: Two in front, two in the back, one in the glove box, and pack the trunks in the boot (British English for "trunk").
Q: How many giraffes will fit into a Mini?
A: None. It's full of elephants.
Q: How do you get two whales in a Mini?
A: Along the M4 and across the Severn Bridge.[a]
Q: How do you know there is an elephant in your refrigerator?
A: There are footprints in the butter.
Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your refrigerator?
A: You can hear giggling when you close the door.
Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your refrigerator?
A: You can't close the door.
Q: How do you know there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
A: There's an empty Mini parked outside.

I wish I hadn't not never mentioned bleedin elefants now :-(


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
https://johnamandiers.​wixsite.com/johns-w-o-w-1 (external link)
John.

  
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)
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