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Thread started 26 Sep 2005 (Monday) 09:27
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Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

 
Jonzjob
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Feb 24, 2021 03:14 |  #9886

I was listening to an article on the Beeb (BBC) the other day. They were saying that 1/3rd of the fresh water fish types in the U.Ks rivers and lakes are now extinct! Amongst the list was sturgeon.

Do you think that the Scots will throw her back in?

There's also reported to be a big problem between Sturgeon and Salmond?

Sounds a bit fishy to me -?


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icopus
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Feb 25, 2021 20:39 |  #9887

Metaphorically speaking, there are basically three kinds of people in the world...
Those who would rather watch sports than play them.
Those who would rather play sports than watch them.


It's my life and I'll get pissed if I want to.
"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." - E.R. Murrow

  
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GibJock
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Mar 04, 2021 01:15 |  #9888

icopus wrote in post #19200759 (external link)
Metaphorically speaking, there are basically three kinds of people in the world...
Those who would rather watch sports than play them.
Those who would rather play sports than watch them.

This thread was quite active until ^^^^^^ -?


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Pippan
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Mar 04, 2021 01:39 |  #9889

GibJock wrote in post #19203641 (external link)
This thread was quite active until ^^^^^^ -?

I'm still trying to work it out ...


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NixEre
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Mar 04, 2021 01:44 |  #9890

The punch line must be quite a knock out. So I’m waiting for the twelfth man at the nineteenth hole.


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NixEre
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Mar 04, 2021 01:54 |  #9891

Just to prove that sport is the most serious thing in the world ..... especially if invented by the English ........... please study this article and the test will follow ...

http://www.horsmondenc​c.co.uk/reference/fiel​ding-positions/ (external link)

Yes who wouldn’t want to be a silly fly slip for five days ending in a draw? :-D


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NixEre
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Mar 04, 2021 02:05 |  #9892

On the other hand, a cricket pitch is great for car boot sales ...


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NixEre
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Mar 04, 2021 02:08 |  #9893

But back to the jokes.

I used to play cricket, but I had such a bad captain.

He always put me in to bat in the middle of a hat-trick. vmad


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Jonzjob
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Post edited 1 month ago by Jonzjob.
     
Mar 04, 2021 04:24 |  #9894

As I have said before. Cricket is an easy game to understand and for those wot missed it before I will quickly give you the general rules again.

2 teams of 11 people are involved. There are 2 or more innings for each team unless there is only one.

In the first innings one team is in and the other is out. The team that is in is the batting team and the team that is out is the bowling and fielding team

The team that is out has to try to get the team that is in out by bowling, catching or stumping them. When the team that is out has got the team that is in all out that's the end of the first innings and the teams change places.

Now the team that was in and is now all out has to try to get the team that was out and is now in out by the same methods of bowling, catching or stumping. Once again when that has happened it's the end of the first innings.

The team that is in is the batting team and has to try to score as many runs as possible in each innings before they are all out. At the end of the match the team with the most runs is the winner.

As I said above, it's a simple game to understand and is a game that is played all over the world, even in the US of A :rolleyes:

Not too sure about Denmark though -?-?


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
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avondale87
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Mar 04, 2021 04:40 as a reply to  @ Jonzjob's post |  #9895

It sure is an oddball game.
Grown men frown on their no-balls
Then the maiden is applauded, or howled down
And the newcomer fathoming his call to square leg or in the deep mid on
And the Balmy Army invades Australia......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Which cricket grounds are the coolest? The ones full of fans.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor: “What seems to be the problem?”

Patient: “I’m scared of the cricket ball”

Doctor: “How’s that?”

Patient: “I’ll leave if you continue with that rubbish”

Doctor: “WAIT ON”

Patient: “Goodbye”



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Jonzjob
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Mar 04, 2021 05:58 |  #9896

That's going to confusticate a few Richard :-P

I just realised that I have no idea what Armageddon means -?

But I'm sure that that isn't the end of the world :rolleyes:


My ambition for a good while is to grow old disgracefully. So far my wife tells me that I am doing really well!
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NixEre
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Mar 04, 2021 06:36 |  #9897

Jonzjob wrote in post #19203672 (external link)
Not too sure about Denmark though -?-?

Funnily enough there are a number of pitches, even if used mostly by expats. The Danish women’s team was quite strong at one point.

What’s the attraction? Well, the red balls show up well in the snow for one.

Over to you ...


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pbigelow
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Mar 05, 2021 10:43 |  #9898

A married couple was sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th anniversary.

The wife looked at her husband and said, “Oh honey, can you believe it? We have been married 50 wonderful years!
I still remember when we were young and so in love, many mornings, we would be sitting at this table naked.
For old times sake, let’s get naked right now!” The husband said, “Ok!”

After getting naked, the wife looked at her husband and said, “Oh honey! My breasts are hot for you like they were 50 years ago!”

The husband said, “Well it’s no wonder. One’s in your oatmeal and the other one’s in your coffee!”




  
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icopus
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Mar 06, 2021 21:52 |  #9899

NixEre wrote in post #19203644 (external link)
The punch line must be quite a knock out. So I’m waiting for the twelfth man at the nineteenth hole.

Well, someone was supposed to ask about the third kind of people.
The response was to be, "The referees and umpires. People like you."
We can conclude from this we have no controlling or bossy people who read, "Whats Your Favorite Joke?" topic.

Didn't that one go over like a lead balloon.


It's my life and I'll get pissed if I want to.
"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." - E.R. Murrow

  
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avondale87
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Mar 06, 2021 22:38 |  #9900

icopus wrote in post #19205116 (external link)
Well, someone was supposed to ask about the third kind of people.
The response was to be, "The referees and umpires. People like you."
We can conclude from this we have no controlling or bossy people who read, "Whats Your Favorite Joke?" topic.

Didn't that one go over like a lead balloon.

Mm. I was not game to ask on account of previous comments "a joke doesn't need explanation else it's not a joke"
I suffered in silence.
Left my ignorance in my back pocket and waited.
Thanks for the reply :-P



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