Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

if your eyes hurt when drinking coffee, take the spoon out of the cup

The cable repairman was on my street and asked me what time it was.

I told him it is between 1 and 5 pm.

pbigelow wrote in post #19520519
The cable repairman was on my street and asked me what time it was.

I told him it is between 1 and 5 pm.

Well said pbigelow

Why did God make Adam first ?
He didn't want eves advice.

Shakespeare goes into a pub and orders a beer.

Barman says, you out, you Bard!

When is a door, not a door?

When it's a Jar.

Apologies, I only know bad jokes.

If women do the same job for less money, why do companies hire men to do the same job for more money?

My wife said that I was immature so I told her she couldn't come into my fort.

Conjunctivitis.com = a site for sore eyes.

umgrizz wrote in post #19526139
My wife said that I was immature so I told her she couldn't come into my fort.

Immature is what boring people call exciting people

True story -
I'll never have homemade deep fried food again.

My wife decided that she would like to start cooking the fried foods we love. So we went shopping for a deep fryer.
She finds one she wants. Seemed a bit much to me so I asked her if she's sure this one is the one she wants.
She assures me it is. We bring it home.
Weeks go by. I ask her about it.
She says she's changed her mind and to put it up for sale on the local social For Sale media page.
Turns out, it uses 12 cups of oil! For just me and her!
We'll never get another one because she'll never admit her mistake, ...

I'll never have homemade deep fried food again.

To the guy who stole my antidepressants: I hope you’re happy now!

Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same evening.

I often wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Nowadays, I think of “getting lucky” as being able to find my car in the mall parking lot.