Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

puddlepirate44 wrote in post #5994453
Wanted? Did.

Why am I not surprised?

Home Depot Scam Alert
Be Careful - A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two very hot 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th & 24th. Also April 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 24th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale 2.99 each

A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a Nun across the street. He goes over to her and starts beating the daylights out of her. After she's in a crumpled heap on the ground he looks down at her and says "You ain't so tough NOW are you Batman?!!!"

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months.'

Earl spits, sips his beer and says, 'Better think that over Bubba, women like that are hard to find.'

do you have the list of participating outlets?

Phil Light wrote in post #5999575
Home Depot Scam Alert
Be Careful - A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two very hot 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th & 24th. Also April 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 24th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale 2.99 each

LOL, I'm gonna buy a case of wallets...

A guy is feeling a little unwell and so goes to see his doctor. After explaining his symptoms the doctor smiles and says, "nothing to worry about, it's just Tom Jones disease". The man asks "is that common?" to which the doctor replies "well, it's not unusual"

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Lots of Love

Stevie

samnz wrote in post #6012612
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Lots of Love

Stevie

Darn It! Now I have finger prints all over my monitor, and I ain't laughing... I can't feel anything!

Especially since it's not Braille.

A skeketon walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer and a mop"

tomjd wrote in post #6013393
A skeketon walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer and a mop"

That's funny.

yes it is,

it says - I can't believe you are stupid enough to actually feel the screen to try to read this

20droger wrote in post #6013070
Especially since it's not Braille.

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess.

The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their

Arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Gender Defined Meaning of Words

* THINGY (thing-ee) n.
o female: Any part under a car's hood.
o male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

* VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
o female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
o male: Playing football without a helmet.

* COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
o female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
o male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

* BUTT (but) n.
o female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
o male: what you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

* COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
o female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
o male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

* ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
o female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
o male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

* FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
o female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
o male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

* MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
o female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
o male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

* REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
o female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
o male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.