Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

Now those Mensa definitions (post 15) are good!

And, to keep it photo related....

"Close to Home" for August 2, 2008, by John McPherson:

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A nun goes to her Mother Superior to make a confess to having used the word f*ck. After a few pleasantries, the mother asks what this happened. The nun says "I was playing golf this morning and got a huge slice on my drive of the 1st and landed in the rough".
"So you swore?" asks the mother superior . "
Oh no" says the nun, "I had a pretty good lie and could see the fairway - so I took my next shot but hit a tree".
"Aha, then you swore" says mother superior.
"Actually no, the rebound put the ball back onto the fairway".
"So you swore with a sense of relief?" asks the mother superior.
"Well, no -but then a rabbit ran onto the fairway, took my ball in its mouth and headed of into the trees".
"and then you...."
"No! An eagle swooped down and picked up the rabbit"
"so you swore at the eagle"
"no need, the rabbits struggle caused the eagle to drop it and the ball then rolled onto the green and stopped just 3 inches from the hole"
The mother superior looks carefully into the eyes of the nun and says:
"You missed the f*cking putt didn't you!"

oops...............

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hmmm....

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true...........

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True story (aren't they all?) from a hospital in Texas.....

A man was admitted to ER to have his wedding ring cut off of his penis. According to the attending nurse, the patient's girl friend found it in his pocket and in anger she used petroleum jelly to slip it on his penis while he slept.

Now you have to decide which is worse:

- having your girlfriend find out your married
- explaining to your wife how the ring got on your penis
- OR finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring

.............old

How can you have someone do that to you without waking up?

Well, you could be used to having your girlfriend do things while you are sleeping....

20droger wrote in post #6037499
Well, you could be used to having your girlfriend do things while you are sleeping....

I have verrrrry large fingers.

And verrrrry soft hands.

(Sorry, Tom. I couldn't resist.)

Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Plant on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County, Deputy Dovey Snyder, reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.

Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip. On that overcast Sunday night, Pooles pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column.

Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.

Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis " I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???

A teacher, who was having trouble keeping her student's attention, decided to try to bribe them to pay attention. She made the following offer...

"During class this week, we will be talking about the ocean. On Friday, I am going to ask a question, and if any of you can answer it, you can have a three day weekend and skip school next Monday!"

It worked. Her students were very well behaved that week, participated in class, worked hard and were anxious to hear the question on Friday. So, she asked them, "How many grains of sand are there in the oceans of the world?" (Of course, none of the students could answer so they all had to come to class on Monday.)

A fewe weeks later, she started to lose the kids, so she made the same offer, and once again the students paid close attention as they studied Astronomy. But come Friday, she once again tricked them by asking, "How many stars are there in the sky?" (Once again, nobody could answer, and they all came to school on Monday.)

About a month later, on what happened to be the first week of "Black History Month" she was sensing that she was losing the kid's interest, not only in class, but in her offers. So, she sweetened the deal. "If any of one you can answer the question at the end of this week, I'll give the whole class the day off next Monday!"

It worked. The kids all listened and worked hard, but Billy was suspicious and just knew that she would trick them again, so he decided to bring some black ping pong balls to school. At the end of the day, the teacher announced that it was time for the question of the week. And just as she was about to ask, Billy dumped the black ping pong balls onto the floor. All the kids started giggling as black ping pong balls bounced toward the front of the room.

The teacher asked, "OK... whose the comedian with the black balls!?"

Billy stood up and said, "Bill Cosby! See you on Tuesday!"

Ok, both of these are hysterical. Makes me wish I lived in France to see more:

http://www.youtube.com​/watch?v=hGy0xFUfeog (My favorite part was the POOF of dust!)

http://www.youtube.com​/watch?v=1NhSQARojp0 (Watch for the egg passing.)

Rad

Anyone know the one good thing which will come out of the 2008 Presidential election?


Wait for it

There will be one less Incumbent Senator.

Wayne