Whats Your Favorite Joke? (Please don't report bad jokes)

thomascanty wrote in post #6252884
Have you ever been to the I Can Has Cheezburger web site? That's where those pictures originated. There are a ton more of them there.

Lonnie,

That site is hysterical - thanks for the link! I still think the "Opacity" one is my favorite.

Matt

Radtech1 wrote in post #6252955
Lonnie,

That site is hysterical - thanks for the link! I still think the "Opacity" one is my favorite.

Matt

You're welcome. Another one you'll probably like is I Has A Hotdog. This second one concentrates mostly just on pictures of dogs, but it's basically the same theme.

oh crap, we've been invaded by lolcats

Citizensmith wrote in post #6254634
oh crap, we've been invaded by lolcats

Hurry.... someone post the Photographer's Joke to get us back on track!

BeccaNH wrote in post #6255427
Hurry.... someone post the Photographer's Joke to get us back on track!

The Smiths...

There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk - the ghost which `lived' there was feared by all. However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost "I mean no harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots. The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.

So what's the moral of the story? The spirit is willing but the flash is weak.

Oh that is worse than bad....

Wayne

Radtech1 wrote in post #6255455
There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk - the ghost which `lived' there was feared by all. However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost "I mean no harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots. The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.

So what's the moral of the story? The spirit is willing but the flash is weak.

Groooooaaaaannnn!

Radtech1 wrote in post #6255455
There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk - the ghost which `lived' there was feared by all. However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost "I mean no harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots. The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.

So what's the moral of the story? The spirit is willing but the flash is weak.

What part of "TOTALLY unrelated to photography" did you not understand!

Sometimes working stiffs ask me how do I make my days interesting? What do I do to keep me motivated and moving foward? Well.....
I went to the store just the other day and I wasn't inside but 10-15 minutes. When I came out a local cop (I live out of town...rural) was writing out a parking ticket. I questioned his ability as a crime solver and told him he should give us seniors a break. Well now he just ignored me and I called him a name not fit for publication. He grumbled something about worn tires and started writing another ticket! So I called a bunch of things also not fit for publication. The more I talked, the more he wrote. Pretty soon the windshield was covered in tickets.
But I didn't care...really. My truck was parked around the corner and this car had an "Obama in 08' sticker on the bumper. I try to have a liitle fun every day...it's important at my age.


...............old

oldtimingman wrote in post #6289479
Sometimes working stiffs ask me how do I make my days interesting? What do I do to keep me motivated and moving foward? Well.....
I went to the store just the other day and I wasn't inside but 10-15 minutes. When I came out a local cop (I live out of town...rural) was writing out a parking ticket. I questioned his ability as a crime solver and told him he should give us seniors a break. Well now he just ignored me and I called him a name not fit for publication. He grumbled something about worn tires and started writing another ticket! So I called a bunch of things also not fit for publication. The more I talked, the more he wrote. Pretty soon the windshield was covered in tickets.
But I didn't care...really. My truck was parked around the corner and this car had an "Obama in 08' sticker on the bumper. I try to have a liitle fun every day...it's important at my age.


...............old

Oh Man!!!.... That's just mean... and ingenious

Ha Ha Ha!

That's one joke worth repeating!!!

I don't know if this one's been posted already (just found this thread) and started backwards

The 5 Minute Management Course

Here are some humor finds...

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

nobodyspecial wrote in post #6294585
I don't know if this one's been posted already (just found this thread) and started backwards

The 5 Minute Management Course

Here are some humor finds...

......

Very funny!

Something you must never do when in bed with your (potential) lover:

Point and laugh!