Hard light

Took this last night; I do like it, but am not completly happy about the way it turned out. I did not have my softbox so the OCF is very hard, rendering contrasting shadows that could have looked better. The 70-200 is still amazing me every time I push the shutter.

you could bounce your flash off a white piece of paper or card board, you can shoot through some thin paper. or bounce off a wall

Your feelings are definitely "right" about this one - the OCF is harsh and it definitely needed a little reflector work on camera-right. The back of the hair is just a touch too dark and the front a touch too bright ... but you sound like you can see everything that went wrong in this case.

shadows are too harsh like everyone else said you need to bounce some flash on camera right, try bouncing it off the ceiling or get a reflector.

Bounce, bounce, bounce!

I've seen pictures of her before and she has the most beautiful blue eyes. In this photo, because she was in a dark space, the pupils of her eyes are dilated to let in more light. the result? You see much less of the pretty blue iris. You would do well to use your modelling light, (or whatever it takes) to get some light into her eyes, constrict the pupils more, and THEN take the shot.