When will our wives just understand!

fotoworx wrote in post #14456871
It is interesting that in a lot of married couples, the husband assumes a child like role and has money doled out to him by his "Mom"......after she has OK'd it of course.

Sometimes that's necessary to avoid financial ruin. And sometimes it's necessary for the husband to control the purse strings. I've seen it go both ways, and as long as the one in charge handles the responsibility seriously, it can work.

A lot of people are just no good at managing their finances, and a marriage is more likely to survive if control is relinquished to the more competent spouse.

Our joint account is for savings. We keep separate checking accounts. Before we got married, I suggested joint everything but she didn't want to do that. For now, I pay the rent and utilities while she takes care of food and other household expenses. We share dining out and entertainment. She doesn't mind at all when I buy stuff because I tend to balance it with something for her and something for me. She feels bad that I foot most of the monthly expenses, but I bring home more than she does. I am able to tuck some away into that joint savings each month, so she doesn't mind seeing new toys once in a while.

Curtis N wrote in post #14456979
A lot of people are just no good at managing their finances, and a marriage is more likely to survive if control is relinquished to the more competent spouse.

Well said. Those that feel the need to sneak around and hide purchases for a hobby are more than likely destined for bigger issues in their marriage. I was blessed with a girlfriend (who later became my wife) that bought me a Pentax 6x7 with 2 lenses after I had only dated her for a few months. She supported my photography and I supported her interests. It is unfortunate she left this earth way too early in life. That is when it all makes sense but it is too late.

I really have to ask. Is a new body, lens, flash, etc. really worth hiding and potentially causing big issues between the two of you. I'm thinking there is some chest thumping going on here and it is not nearly as bad as many make it out to be.

Curtis N wrote in post #14456979
Sometimes that's necessary to avoid financial ruin. And sometimes it's necessary for the husband to control the purse strings. I've seen it go both ways, and as long as the one in charge handles the responsibility seriously, it can work.

A lot of people are just no good at managing their finances, and a marriage is more likely to survive if control is relinquished to the more competent spouse.

Thats really just saying the same thing as I did, but making the distinction of husband or wife interchangeable. From my observations it's usually the male that assumes this role. but as you mentioned not always.

Still one half of the relationship is assuming a child like role in an otherwise adult relationship and having to seek permission to spend money on an acquisition from the other half of the relationship from the person who has now assumed the role of the "parent figure".

A happy wife is a happy life. I could have just taken out the money but then what?

Six6Sicks wrote in post #14457387
A happy wife is a happy life. I could have just taken out the money but then what?

I understand that, but the point is really - You could either afford this 7D or not. If you were financially able to, you should have been "allowed" to purchase it.

If you were not in a financial position to buy it, you should have made that descision yourself. Why make your wife out to always be the bad guy if the answer is no?

Where is your respsoniblity as an adult man in an adult relationship? Even to having to check out purchases before you make them, spells out that your wife doesn't trust you to make adult, fiscally responsible choices.

fotoworx wrote in post #14457452
I understand that, but the point is really - You could either afford this 7D or not. If you were financially able to, you should have been "allowed" to purchase it.

If you were not in a financial position to buy it, you should have made that descision yourself. Why make your wife out to always be the bad guy if the answer is no?

Where is your respsoniblity as an adult man in an adult relationship? Even to having to check out purchases before you make them, spells out that your wife doesn't trust you to make adult, fiscally responsible choices.

Lol. This thread is clearly not meant for you. Congrats on your alpha male status.

Six6Sicks wrote in post #14457510
Lol. This thread is clearly not meant for you. Congrats on your alpha male status.

LOL It's more congrats on your wifes alpha status!

Whatever works for you though, thats the main thing, it's your marriage and you know what works for you. We've been happily married for nearly 30 years.

Six6Sicks wrote in post #14457387
A happy wife is a happy life.

I've read my fair share of marriage books, and in the end, this is the most concise summary of the theoretical approach I agree with to marital success.

I must say im pretty lucky. Wanted to buy a 7d, the missus asked if i buy that, is there a better one im going to want down the track, so i mentioned the 1d was what i ultimately wanted. After explaining the differences ( including price!) She told me i should get the 1d.

I read a bunch of this and call bs. I am 20 years younger than my soon to be wife, we have a joint account; I keep the ledger and pay all the bills. I know down to the penny how much money we have. Even if I know we can afford something I still talk it over with her, (she has to ask how much we have and if we can afford it) but none the less communication is key. Hiding money or purchases is a quick way to end a relationship. My other hobby (racing RC cars) is the same way, there are guys that have 10k credit cards their wives don’t know about .... that’s just nuts.

As for who wears the pants and who assumes the "child roll" is a bunch of crap. I applaud the OP for talking with his wife, and congrats on the new lens you got, maybe that’s why she said no to the new body

Littlejon Dsgn wrote in post #14539151
I read a bunch of this and call bs. I am 20 years younger than my soon to be wife, we have a joint account; I keep the ledger and pay all the bills. I know down to the penny how much money we have. Even if I know we can afford something I still talk it over with her, (she has to ask how much we have and if we can afford it) but none the less communication is key. Hiding money or purchases is a quick way to end a relationship. My other hobby (racing RC cars) is the same way, there are guys that have 10k credit cards their wives don’t know about .... that’s just nuts.

As for who wears the pants and who assumes the "child roll" is a bunch of crap. I applaud the OP for talking with his wife, and congrats on the new lens you got, maybe that’s why she said no to the new body

What does being 20 years younger than your wife have to do with anything? I don't know how old you are, but I'd say it's a bit immature to judge the success or failure of a marriage based on dynamics that other people have determined to be favorable to them. There are millions of married households with almost just as much variation in how they make their decisions.

I guess its important to have a wife that shares a love of photography or, if she is a member of this forum, is at least slightly obsessed with gear. :-}

Nathan wrote in post #14539166
What does being 20 years younger than your wife have to do with anything? I don't know how old you are, but I'd say it's a bit immature to judge the success or failure of a marriage based on dynamics that other people have determined to be favorable to them. There are millions of married households with almost just as much variation in how they make their decisions.

Being 20 years younger (26) shows that the whole parent/child roll of money is bs. I am not judging how people handle money, just that hiding money or a large purchase is never good.

If you want a joint account for bills and separate for play money that’s cool, but why hide what you buy with it, if the bills are covered there’s no reason to hide it.

No wife - no problem.
Boat...OK, Cameras...OK, Sleep late...OK