Only person in the family with an DSLR, how do I say NO to do a family member wedding

Tell them no BUT you know a wedding tog ( insert name here) that does great work but they will not give you a discount for a fellow photographer.

Mention to anyone that brings up the idea of you shooting the wedding that you really don't know how, don't have the equipment, and can't handle the stress. Mention being very flattered, but repeat the above, often and frequently. This way, word can get back in time for them to find a different photog.

I had someone the other day ask me to do a wedding. Yes, I have the skills and know how to do a decent but not great job. However, I really thought about how much time and effort it is and knew my price was going to be above their budget, but thought hard about how much post processing time I'd be doing on two shooters images and realized there is no way I wanted to shoot it for any cheaper. Doing a wedding for free? Not on your life. I don't care if it is family.

Tom Reichner wrote in post #16668317
....Surprisingly, they were thrilled! They really enjoyed the pics.....
.....be sure to put your camera in the car when you drive to the wedding, just in case.

You stated that you are the “Only person in the family with an DSLR”, and also that “she probably won't have a official wedding photographer”. So I’m thinking that if you do NOT make even a few photos, she’ll be left with nothing.

So even though you don’t want to do weddings, in this case I can’t see any way out without causing friction in the family.

Take your camera, take a few shots and give her the files. It will probably work out like Tom Reichner said above. If they are horrible, she won’t complain. But I’ll bet they will be thrilled, as they were with Tom’s work. And your cousin-in-law will probably be very grateful.

Just explain to her that you are flattered they would ask but tell a little white lie and say you don't feel you have the experience or gear to properly capture her day the way it deserves to be captured.

the flying moose wrote in post #16668786
Just explain to her that you are flattered they would ask but tell a little white lie and say you don't feel you have the experience or gear to properly capture her day the way it deserves to be captured.

No. Giving that explanation gives her a way to work around it. If you say that, then the reply will undoubtedly be:

"Oh, we don't care about that . . . anything you do will be great! We know that, because we've seen your pictures, and if you take pictures like that for us we would be thrilled with them. We're not looking for anything professional or anything."

If you just say "no", and give the reason that you "don't want to do it", very little further discussion or persuasion is likely to take place. Tactful excuses often don't work, as they only invite further attempts to get you to do it anyway. Often, in order to get things to go the way you want, you do need to be blunt.

seres wrote in post #16668521
You stated that you are the “Only person in the family with an DSLR”, and also that “she probably won't have a official wedding photographer”. So I’m thinking that if you do NOT make even a few photos, she’ll be left with nothing.

I disagree. Everyone and their brother will have a smartphone at the wedding, so there WILL be pictures. Maybe not of the quality one would like, but there WILL be photos. And while the OP may be the only one with a DSLR, that doesn't mean others don't have other digital cameras, possibly even an M4/3 system. I feel confident there will be some photos taken in some manner at the ceremony and reception.

to the OP, you've been given the best advice - IF and WHEN asked, just say NO. Firmly.

I've known couples on a budget to buy disposable cameras to place at each table at the reception. Guests were asked to "shoot away" with the caveat that they have 2 prints made of everything, so that the bride and groom had a complete set. There are ways to get around the lack of a photographer - you just have to be creative. In fact, even though there was an official photographer at my friend's wedding, the couple still asked anyone who took photos with their cameras/phones to share them with them so they had different perspectives of the event.

It happens to me and my friends every once a while. I simply said I need to charge and give them an average market quote. Usually they said it's over budget and stuff, there you go. Tell them you need to spend time editing photo before giving them and they will say they don't need it etc... and you can say it's your way to keep your reputation that you never deliver non-touched up images to client.

Or suggest them to hire someone cheap from local kijiji and you will only be the backup.

Many of my friends who started in this business shoot wedding for FREE or minimal compensation, to me, unless you are building portfolio, or making money, it's not worth it to sweat it, not to mention you will ruin your reputation.

Forgot to mention, if this person is a close member of you, you would want to be part of the wedding party and be there for them anyways. If this person is not close member, the answer is simple.

Disclosure: 2 years ago (during portfolio building time) my best friend wanted to hire me as wedding photographer, while I was quite confident that I can nail it and it's a win-win because I get paid and portfolio and she get good pictures. After some serious thoughts I turned her down because there are more risks than rewards. Now every once a while when we gathered and look back, other than losing the profit I have nothing to lose, but imagine if I screwed up and I have to see her many many times what would that FEELING be, just that alone is not worth it for me to earn the profit and portfolio.

OneDeep wrote in post #16668310
Thanks everyone. I just have to say No in a gentle way, for her to understand. I won't bring up the subject until she officially asks me. I'd rather be a guest than be stressed on trying to shoot.

I also have a family member fixing to get married. She wants me to do the photos. I love shooting anything. As long as I have the camera in my hands, I am happy. But I politely told her that I do not do weddings. It is not my forte' and I do not want such a memorable moment to be ruined.

Caveat of this is, I now know I will not be able to take any for me.......LOL

"I'm flattered, but I don't do that kind of photography. I don't have the necessary equipment, experience, or interest. I'll be happy to help you find a local photographer, however."

No, no, no, no, no. NO! And a thousand times NO!

I had my best friend ask me to shoot his reception because he didn't want to pay the photographer. I am a total amateur and just shoot for fun and the stress level was excruciating. I had enough notice to rent a couple lenses and had a hot shoe flash so I went for it. I had only had the flash for a couple months and didn't really understand how to use it. I will say, I learned a lot on the fly and got a few decent photos out of it. I didn't really want to do it again.

Another friend hired a photographer that wanted to build her portfolio. I met her at the engagement shoot in passing and asked her a few questions about her equipment and she didn't even know the basics. Wedding time came and she thought she could get by with kit lenses and natural light in the church AND reception hall. I found out later that they knew I would bring my camera with and get what I could. Once again I learned a lot but it was very stressful for me.


Bottom Dollar,

If you don't have the confidence or the equipment, stay away. Be an uncle bob like me if you want but I wouldn't do it as the only person.

OneDeep wrote in post #16668310
Thanks everyone. I just have to say No in a gentle way, for her to understand. I won't bring up the subject until she officially asks me. I'd rather be a guest than be stressed on trying to shoot.

Good call. Honest and upfront communication is always the best way to go.

Bryan

"no, it's too much responsibility"

You have your polite answer in your first paragraph