This forum saved me from doing a wedding

I know someone that is getting married next year, and received a Facebook message asking me if I would consider shooting her wedding and how much would I charge. I'm a serious hobbyist and have shot a wedding and second shot a few weddings, but that was for immediate family. This is the sister in law of my sister in law, so not a close relative by any means. Of course I was flattered that see asked me, but based on all the reading I have done on this forum from people that have stepped in to shooting there first paid wedding, I decided to just tell her that weddings were not my thing.

From the rest of the conversation I had with her on Facebook I could tell that she had contacted me hoping for a real cheap price. I asked her what her budget was so I could recommend someone to her, and she just said as low as possible. So thank you forum for helping me recognize the warning signs and not to waste my time fretting about shooting a paid wedding that wouldn't have paid well anyway. I was able to move away from this quickly with no misunderstanding or hurt feelings on either side.

So thank you again forum for all your wisdom and experience.

We watched our neighbours daughter grow up at our cottage area. We became close friends over 20 years until they sold their place. Her dad and myself fished a lot and shared a few bottles of Crown over the years. He as the salt of the earth but it was easier to get a wooden nickel from Beaver.

Several years later she called me and told me she had trouble finding a wedding photographer which if she was anything like her dad I interpreted as "I can't find an inexpensive photographer". We agreed on the expectations and I did it to help them out.

Good to see you stand your ground Chris. I have had people I don't know very well approach me die to word of mouth and I won't give them a deal either. I've stopped doing that for people I know well and friends a well. It was OK starting out but there are people who depend on this for a living. I'm quite happy to lose a gig to working pro.

Is the reason why it was a good decision not to shoot because you aren't sufficiently ready to shoot nor interested in shooting weddings ? Or are you saying it was wise to skip this offer because the fee was going to be too low ?

Christopher Steven b wrote in post #16686556
Is the reason why it was a good decision not to shoot because you aren't sufficiently ready to shoot nor interested in shooting weddings ? Or are you saying it was wise to skip this offer because the fee was going to be too low ?

Those are some very insightful questions and it made me think for a few minutes.

I'm not sufficiently ready or interested in shooting weddings. I could have been easily swayed by the feeling of pride that someone thought my photography was good enough for their wedding. But because of this forum, and the great discussions I've read over the years, I was very well prepared to realize and accept that this wasn't a good move for me, nor was it good for the person asking me.

But I also have to admit that it was a little deflating when I realized that she was contacting me because she thought she could get a low price.

The last wedding I shot will be the last wedding I shoot for the foreseeable future . I have a day job to pay the bills and shoot kids playing outdoor sports for a few extra $$$. But, as a friend's wedding gift, my wife and I shot her wedding. The stress, anxiety and pressure are not worth it. Even worse was that in the few weeks that it took my wife to get the touch-up done, the couple had already separated. After I delivered the disc and finding out they were no longer together, I deleted all the images from our computers. A year later, they are back together and want a new disc of images. It ain't worth it until you are ready to go pro.

Sister in law's sister in law isn't close enough to do a favor for, imo. So if you don't think it'll be worth your time you should indeed politely decline.

jefzor wrote in post #16688265
Sister in law's sister in law isn't close enough to do a favor for, imo. So if you don't think it'll be worth your time you should indeed politely decline.

To figure out family/friend "discount" I ask myself one question; "Would I be invited if not for my camera?" While that doesn't answer the question of whether to do it or not, it sure addresses the issue of how close the B&G consider us.

The last family wedding I considered was a bad one. My wife's cousin. His finacee even asked my wife to be her MoH. My wife couldn't figure out why and figured it was because she and her cousin had been super close growing up. She calls him and he straight up admits that it's because none of the bride's other friends could afford to pull off the shower/bachelorette she wanted. We, on the other hand, do quite well with our day jobs.

We both declined and didn't receive an invitation until about a week before the wedding, with yet another request for me to shoot...for free as a sponsor (a "padrino" if you happen to be of that culture).

We declined and I won't get into the family drama THAT created.

I am taking notes! I have read plenty threads talking about such. My conclusion is Id go to a wedding if I am either the back up photographer or an assistant. I am most definitively not ready for the responsibility. What i took from this thread is how careful one has to be with close relatives and such! thanks!

Fernando wrote in post #16689187
We both declined and didn't receive an invitation until about a week before the wedding, with yet another request for me to shoot...for free as a sponsor (a "padrino" if you happen to be of that culture).

We declined and I won't get into the family drama THAT created.

You declinded to go to the wedding or you declined to shoot the wedding?

Chris wrote in post #16689255
You declinded to go to the wedding or you declined to shoot the wedding?

Declined to shoot. That's where the drama took off and if my wife hadn't been so tight with her cousin and uncle we would have declined the wedding itself.

I've shot three weddings and doing my fourth in July, it will be the second one I've done for a close family member (not same person). This one is on a beach and I get half my vacation accommodations paid. I will not do any more weddings after this, I hate them. Stress and pressure is ridiculous, I have nothing but respect for the pros. I love photography but weddings are just not my thing.