Very first attempt

Would very much apreciate some comments and crtique -
I have played with my two flashes with unbrellas -

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The composition is very odd. The angle of her face isn't pleasing.

Try to move back a bit....Too close

Not very appealing. I dont like the shadow from the nose and the eye without a catchlight is too deep in shadow.

What was your lighting set up?

I agree with all of the previous comments. The lighting angle is unfortunate. The modeling light should be diagonal to the face and even with the umbrellas the lighting is too harsh.

I also would prefer an entire head and shoulders, as opposed to the tight crop.

A general comment to all portraitists - master the traditional methods before trying to create your own style. Even Picasso mastered traditional art before he went abstract.

I think you can correct the catch light issue by strengthening the one in her left eye and diminishing the one in her right eyd.

have to agree. I usually like tight crops but the tight crop coupled with the angle aren't pleasing the two sides of her face look very unsymetrical when at that angle. and the hair falling over the ear I can't quite figure out why but, it really leaves me with an ungroomed feeling. as though it wasn't done in the first place.

I also agree with what's been said. Lighting could be less harsh and reframe. If you choose to keep the angle of the head- move back. Stay close in if she straightens up a little more. Definitely keep shooting her- lovely model with a very natural smile.

This thing about shooting too close seems to come up so often that I think it needs some clarification.

It may not be obvious, but there is a difference between a) a close up, and b) stepping back, zooming in and cropping to the same view.

The difference is one of perspective. The shot using the longer focal length will suffer less distortion, among other things. Among the other effects will be the way the background looks and the depth of field. In other words, there are some important differences!