With respect, it is not a given that you will not need to AFMA lenses. Either there was a miscommunication between you and Canon, or whomever you spoke to was wrong. Lens and camera body combinations are not exact. Although a lot of the time, acceptable results can be had without any adjustment, AFMA is often required to get the best performance.
My last pair of 5DmkIII's required unique AFMA settings for each of my lenses. Not only that, but there was no correlation between the values for each camera. A particular lens may have needed a positive adjustment on one camera and a negative on the other. And, to my surprise, another lens may have needed to be adjusted the same to work best on both bodies. There are too many fine tolerances at play in the AF system.
My 5DmkIV has it's own unique set of AFMA numbers for each of my lenses. Yes, many lenses will work just fine out of the box. But some lenses behave just like your first example photo in your post with your example images. All but one of my lenses has needed AFMA to perform at it's best. I have had 15 (maybe more) Canon L, or Sigma Art lenses over the past five years and only one has not improved with AMFA.
Your Camera has AFMA so you can remove fine inconstancies in production tolerances. You mention that you are "not willing to mess around with them". I am not saying you should be the one to do it. However, please know that there is a good chance that AFMA adjustment will fix your issues. It is possible, even likely, that your camera is well within production tolerances and behaves like all the other 5DmkIV's out there.
Adjusting AFMA does not make any physical changes to any of your gear. It is just a way of telling your camera that when it thinks it is in focus, it is actually not. In your fist photo you posted aboive, you may want to try adjusting your AFMA value to -3, or even -5 (for that lens, either your 24-70, or your 50) to see if your images improve. At any time, you can change the setting back to zero.
Deciding on an AFMA number is a bit like finding be best prescription for a new set of glasses. A particular lens and camera combination may be a bit nearsighted, or a bit farsighted (just an analogy) and setting the AFMA number correctly is like giving the AF system a pair of glasses that restores it's perfect 20/20 vision. You can always take the glasses off if it's not working.
Either way, best of luck sorting it all out.