I understand what you were trying to do, but it really didn't work out that way. In my opinion, although it is very helpful to have some understanding of the accepted conventions of composition, it is very difficult to go out and "create" good pictures by trying to "arrange" lead in lines, etc.
Generally speaking, it is better to simply take the scene as it is and move your vantage point and crop with the zoom looking for a combination that makes you "feel" good about the composition. More often than not, the picture that you really feel good about will have certain characteristics that the critics will claim are responsible.
However, I would not let the "rules" get out of hand. Remember, that if there is enough "interest" and drama in an image, it will over-ride many compositional short-comings.
Yes, some of the highlights are blown out, but the skyline is very interesting, and it's a good picture that can be improved upon.