Hearse Related Stories

Except for one about an icy road in the cemetery, I don't have and good ones but Jake Hegnauer does.

CyberDyneSystems wrote in post #18613366

How do you know his is better than hearse?

Chet wrote in post #18613384
How do you know his is better than hearse?

His can't be better. Hearse has working headlights.
Sheesh, I can't believe I'm leaving this here.

Sooo,

Do you know how many quarts of Automatic transmission fluid a 1969 Fleetwood performance transmission requires?
Those huge old 3 speeds with the giant torque converter?
Keep in mind there was separate tranny cooler that looked a lot like a small radiator. Like for a tow package. Imagine all the extra liquid needed to keep all that filled as well.

It's a lot... (like 14qt if I recall correctly?)
You never actually empty the things. I mean how often do you open up and change that stuff?

Unless of course the overfill valve let's loose while it's parked on a hill.
This is exactly what it did on 6th Street in Providence in front of my Mothers apt.
A very upscale neighborhood with a very fine old Jewish couple as her landlord.

All of it came pouring out, and went oozing down the hill, out from under the Hearse.

Do you know what color that old ATF is?

Yep,. thick gooey blood red.

Just imagine the neighbors reaction!

CyberDyneSystems wrote in post #18613548
... went oozing down the hill, out from under the Hearse.

Do you know what color that old ATF is?

Yep,. thick gooey blood red.

Just imagine the neighbors reaction!

I imagine the neighborhood kids talked about the haunted hill after that!

CyberDyneSystems wrote in post #18613548
. . .

Do you know what color that old ATF is?

Yep,. thick gooey blood red.

Just imagine the neighbors reaction!

Can we, for the sake of story, imagine this happened early on Halloween night? Or maybe the carpet you were bring to your mother was still in the back?

Please tell me, that at least once, you dressed up as the Grim Reaper for Halloween!

Jill-of-all-Trades wrote in post #18613706
Please tell me, that at least once, you dressed up as the Grim Reaper for Halloween!

Did Jake really need to get dressed up?

This true story begins on a cold winter day in a beautiful old cemetery with a group of perhaps seventy mourners assembled for the internment of an elderly gentleman.

It happens that although they have been cleared of snow, roads in the cemetery were slick with ice. As the hearse neared the burial site the driver lost control. The hearse slid into a small steep-sided ravine.

The funeral home owner* jumped out of trailing limo and unleashed loud and profane abuse on the hearse driver. This went on so long the religious officiant intervened to remind him of the setting and their purpose for being there.

Still in a serious huff the owner* ordered pallbearers into the ravine to fetch the big beautiful bronze casket. With the more fit helping the less able the bearers made it down to the hearse only to discover a hearse sitting distinctly downhill and a casket that would not begin to budge. Once again the owner* chose loud ugly invective as his solution.

At this point mourners were about frozen but the alert cemetery manager led them to a warm room in their facility. He had already called a tow truck to haul the hearse out. The committal proceeded with no further problem aside from the destruction of the funeral home’s reputation.

This would be a much better story of the owner had slipped on the ice and followed the hearse into the ravine, but karma isn't always available on immediate demand.

*Many funeral home owners are fine people. Others are not. The owner in question was in the latter category. He had a beautiful building and ugly habits with clients and staff. His business survived but only because he sold it. His wife did well but only after she divorced him.

Jill-of-all-Trades wrote in post #18613706
Please tell me, that at least once, you dressed up as the Grim Reaper for Halloween!

The rib cage I made out of aluminum is hanging above my office PC as I type this...