One liners - Quotes etc.

The Dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.

Give a man a pizza, he eats for a day. Give a man a microwave oven and he sits at home on his fat rump watching TV all day.

This is a quote I have in my sig at another message board

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia" ~ Charles M. Schulz

Stop the world, I'm getting off.

Go lay by your dish. (said to each male in my life at one time or another)

Life is a journey, not a destination.

Overheard a very long time ago in the A&E (ER for our cousins across the pond), I was in to get a broken wrist set and one of the fellow patients I learned was being 'interviewed' by the duty psychiatrist - go figger!

"Death is an untold of dream, Life is but a sweet moment of joy"

saravrose wrote in post #2338496
'Girls are smarter than Boys'.. taught by me to my little nieces... They might as well find out now...

My girls say "Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider" and "Girls go to Mars to get more chocolate bars"

One time I passed a coworker and asked "how's life?"

He answered in a very deadpan way, "It's better than the alternative"

You are only as big as the things that make you mad.

I'm so happy I could sh*t!

(Sarcastic, please note... )

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. - Thomas Jefferson

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers

No one ever drowned in his own sweat. - Marines

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work - Thomas Edison

Man stands for long time with mouth open before roast duck flies in. - Chinese saying

Winning is a habit. Unfortunately so is losing. - Vince Lombardi

What my Mother used to say about cemetaries: "There is no reason to be afraid of a graveyard..It's not the dead you have to worry about. It's the LIVING."

I love seing these fun quotes at the bottom of an email, but I don't like having the same one over and over. So, being a geek, I created a small database of quotes and wrote a program that wakes up every 10 min and replaces my signiture file with a random quote from the database. When ever I find a new quote, I just put it into the database and it goes into rotation. I get a lot of comments about the quality and quantity of the quotes. Only a real nerd would take the time to do this.

One I can't put in my database

"When I go, I want to go like my grandfather, in his sleep. Not like the other people screaming in his car"

misspix wrote in post #2340260
[...]
Life is a journey, not a destination.

I knew this version:
Happiness isn't the destination but rather the journey.

"The city is no place for women gal but, pretty men go thar."


W.C. Fields
The Fatal Shot of Beer

My mom used to always say this to me, and I thought that it was the best advice I ever received: "Hey, Stupid, don't put that fork in the outlet!"