Am I the Only One Whose Lied to Their Spouse?

Am I the only one who has ever lied to their spouse about buying a piece of camera equipment or are there other guilty, gutless spouses out there like me? I knew my wife would never let me spend the money I needed to buy the Ef-S 10-22 so I secretly saved $10 or $20 dollars here and there and stuffed it into an envelope. When I had enough money I sent in a check for the proper amount to a well known Photography Store. The two week wait for it to be delivered nearly killed me, but that is way beside the point. I was obsessed with photography (this forum really doesn't help with that at all, by the way) to the point where I just had to have this new lens, even if it meant being less than honest.

Anyway, are there others like me? Do you also feel guilty and gutless for what you have done? What did you do about your obsession with photography? And, finally, did you fess up to your crime?

If it's your money that you're saving, why is there and issue? It's not like you're robbing the joint account to pay for it? The problem is that if you hide little things like this and your wife wonders how you got the money, then she's got to be wondering what else you're hiding.

I just think it's easier to be open about things like this. For small amounts, we don't bother declaring things, but larger items are declared and talked about, so at least she knows what's happening.

True, I've bought a load of lenses without saying anything up front, but we're at a stage in our relationship where we don't share money.

John E wrote in post #2523585
Anyway, are there others like me? Do you also feel guilty and gutless for what you have done? What did you do about your obsession with photography? And, finally, did you fess up to your crime?

Seems something like this crops up pretty frequently on here.

I generally don't lie. My wife knows what I buy and when I buy it, she even knows the price. It helps that she enjoys photography, too (maybe not to the degree that I do, but still..) Usually her only response is: "If you think we can afford it, do it!"

IMO being dishonest with your spouse is not the best way to cultivate a loving relationship of mutual trust and respect.

My wife tells me in her sarcastic voice, "its your money"... The funny thing is , she doesnt say that about anything else that I buy so im led to believe she's ok with it !!

My wife has pretty much given me up as a lost cause when it comes to my hobbies..

I tell her honestly how much something is....she'll question me around why its better than the one i already have etc...but generally she's given up on trying to disuade me

I think she'll soon start to realise how expensive photography can be soon enough

Well, I am the wife and can say that we do it too. I saved my change and any other extra money I got for about 7 months until I purchased my 17-55mm this week. My husband knew it, so he didn't have a problem with it. He does the same thing to buy gun parts and any other hobby type stuff he wants. As long as it doesn't come out of the household budget, we don't have a problem but we do tell each other (sometimes after the fact).

Lynn

I think I'm going to leave this life of crime. It's not worth it being dishonest. My marriage is more important. It' just that this photography "bug" bites you and you think you've got to have the latest greatest thing. I can get buy just as easily on cheaper, older stuff. Maybe I'll talk to my wife about having a monthly budget amount that I can spend on phtography stuff.

Just make sure you give her a surprise gift of about the same value of your lens when you own up to your purchase! Otherwise the guilt felt each time you press the shutter release will overshadow the enjoyment of that tack sharp, wonderful UWA and that would be a shame

I hate these threads.. all they do is give me a jaded viewpoint of marriages.. Just why did you choose somebody to share your life, work, and children with and then can't be honest about where something as unimportant as money goes?...

sari

saravrose wrote in post #2524304
I hate these threads.. all they do is give me a jaded viewpoint of marriages.. Just why did you choose somebody to share your life, work, and children with and then can't be honest about where something as unimportant as money goes?...

sari

Hormones...

There was a thread like this one a while back and I expressed a similar point of view and was told to light up. Anyway my wife is keenly aware of any purchase I make as I am of hers. We do not police one another but we do have a budget and part of that is $$ for hobbies. I’m saving for the 100-400mm and it will take me a couple of months to do so but she knows it’s coming and will know the day I order it as I will probably be running around the house in an idiotic state of euphoria and anxiety wondering why the heck the brown truck has not yet pulled up. I need someone to grab my string, pull me back to earth, and remind me that I just ordered it an hour ago and that’s her job.

gjl711 wrote in post #2524454
...but she knows it’s coming and will know the day I order it as I will probably be running around the house in an idiotic state of euphoria and anxiety wondering why the heck the brown truck has not yet pulled up. I need someone to grab my string, pull me back to earth, and remind me that I just ordered it an hour ago and that’s her job.

Exactly! Isn't half the fun sharing the excitement with your spouse! OK maybe not half...but a good chunk of it. Besides, I like sleeping well at night....and I do!

Come on, people. Who hasn't lied to a spouse, a parent, a friend at one time or another? Maybe the Pope? The Grand Rabbi? Cut the crap.

I'm married for 25 years; it was love at first sight. All my friends and colleagues are envious of my happiness with my wife. We've never fought about money, and rarely fight about anything else.

That said, I was in B&H and bought an 85L about a year ago. I never told my wife about it. There's no way she would have even cared, but I just didn't need to tell her I spent $1500 on a lens when I already had 8 other lenses. Is that lying? Call it what you want.

I bought a stereo receiver that she knew about. I decided I wanted a better model. I traded it in. Looks the same as the original one. Did I tell her? No. For what reason?

My wife is my best friend. I've never cheated on her in 25 years of marriage and never will. I still open the car door for her each and every time we get in. Say what you will.

mark

My wifes on a need to know basis.....an she doesn't need to know...

I don't hide stuff from her but I don't go out of my way to show her....


She saw my new NG Backpack sitting nest to the bar yesterday and was like I see you got a new bag....thought I was about to get crap....then she says that looks realy cool show it to me.....

So its all good....

Never lied to her about money. I handle the finances. I'm the major source of income. And, most importantly, there is no way in heck I could ever spend as much as she does!

As Gjl711 pointed out in one word...hormones.

I have been "doin' it" for 36 years so far. My wife reciprocates.
We have the best damned marriage anyone could wish for. If you basically trust each other to do-no-harm...it becomes a fun game.
Example...I walked around the house verbally wishing for a 20D and "saved up" for months. At Christmas she opened a little box and found a one-of-a-kind Tourmeline ring she had wanted for years. A week after, on my birthday (Jan 3), I found she had placed a brand new 20D on the kitchen table.

It's all a game Sari, it's just how you play it.